Wolf Gnards

ABC Family ran a Karate Kid marathon today and, of course, I couldn't help myself from watching. The film really is the best around and no one's ever gonna get it down. The one thing that really bothers me about the series though, besides 3 and 4 being horrible, is that the movies never confront Mr. Miyagi's rampant alcoholism. He's drunk to the point of passing out a number of times in the movies, and besides drinking, he has a bit of gambling problem as well—most of the time using punches to Daniel's face as collateral. First he bets on Daniel at the All Valley Karate Tournament, then he bets that Daniel can chop through thick slabs of ice (even though it was never shown that Daniel was ever taught to chop through anything), and then in “The Next Karate Kid” Miyagi bets that a bunch of Monks can win at bowling. What insight or knowledge could he have possible had that would tell him that kung fu skills could translate at a bowling alley? To me it looks like Miyagi is living on the edge, surviving on the high of risky behavior.

What would happen if Daniel had lost the All Valley Tournament? He would continue to get razed by Johnny even though Ali would have been completely unimpressed by both Daniel's martial arts and sexual performance. She'd still leave him for some UCLA football stud, but this time he'd have a whole lot more black eyes and bruised ribs to show for it. Then in Okinawa if Daniel couldn't chop through the ice blocks, they would never be able to afford the refrigerator part Mr. Miyagi was originally in town shopping for. Consequently both Mr. Miyagi's old love Yukie and her comely niece Kumiko (Daniel's new love interest who hasn't been introduced to the joys of Bruin tailbacks) would die from maggot infested food contamination. As for the fast paced world of bowling for dollars, the Monks, who most likely have taken vows of poverty, would never be able to pay off the huge gambling debts and would have to sell their monastery.

What it comes down to is asking ourselves why Mr. Miyagi behaves like this. My best theory is the drinking. He probably carried a small flask of saki and took a swig before each scene. Banzai! Too much advantage your dojo... tournament. Banzai! $600 say he brake all six. Banzai! A dollar a pin. I imagine in between films Miyagi is a drunken mess, sleeping on the streets of Vegas. Then Daniel needs someone to teach him to sweep the leg or how to prune bonsai trees, and he has to quick sober Miyagi up before the film begins. And all of this, of course, is just swept right under the rug. Miyagi doesn't have a problem because his black out are adorable. Asian man fall down... how cute.

What I find interesting is that in the first film, Miyagi is a flawed character. Yes, he's a martial arts master, but he's a martial arts expert with a lot of personal baggage (dead wife and son). By the last movie, Miyagi is demonstrating supernatural Zen powers by catching arrows shot directly at his chest. I'm surprised he wasn't flying around.

Of course, he was flying but only on saki. Banzai!