The Mystery of the 3 Seashells


Sylvester Stallone & I-Mockery Explain the Mystery of the 3 Seashell

There are many mysteries in the future, the most bizarre of which just might be: How will we wipe our asses? How will our children's children's children take care of business? A disintegration ray? Some sort of hover conversion system? Or perhaps the 3 seashells? The one thing everyone wanted to know from Demolition Man was just how the three seashells worked.

When I was kid I imagined there must have been some sort of light system like Simon. How that wipes you, I have no idea, but that's the best my mind could come up with. Fortunately, the writers of Demolition Man had far greater dreams.

In a 2006, interview with Ain't It Cool, Sly Stallone revealed what he was told by Demolition Man screenwriter Peter Lenkov:
OK, this may be bordering on the grotesque, but the way it was explained to me by the writer is you hold two seashells like chopsticks, pull gently and scrape what’s left with the third.

But for those of you that need a more visual representation of the wonders of toilet seashells, I-Mockery has presented a handy dandy diagram:

Demolition Man 3 Seashells
  • Nicki
    Comment from: Nicki
    04/07/09 @ 05:07:58 pm

    WTF? Ok well….how does it work when you have the runs?

  • Mark
    Comment from: Mark
    06/27/09 @ 12:21:29 pm

    Personally, I thought it would be a lot more like getting cookie batter off of a spoon with another spoon. The other problem I have with this is I doubt they would actually be thrown away. I think they would be sterilized and reused!

  • Mirkwoodlodge
    Comment from: Mirkwoodlodge
    02/28/10 @ 07:31:23 pm

    I’m certain that in the future everyone will be equipped with surgically implanted micro black holes or teleportation devices in his or her colon, making wiping problems a thing of the past.

  • Chrystani
    Comment from: Chrystani
    08/26/10 @ 04:18:51 pm

    I wish I were lying when I say this is one of the main things that stuck with me from Demoliton Man.

    I always thought you just scraped away. But what about women wiping the front.

    *ouch* O_o Might rip a lip off.

  • robin hood
    Comment from: robin hood
    09/15/10 @ 05:09:29 pm

    good blog love this stuff

  • Mike
    Comment from: Mike
    04/24/13 @ 12:33:28 pm

    The Three Seashells is an old joke about a man waking up from a coma and the jest of it is, one is water, two is air and the third with a with a zip and a rip and a OOOW was the automatic tampon remover

  • Nick
    Comment from: Nick
    03/28/14 @ 08:17:35 am

    It’s “their", not “there", you fucking idiot.

  • Elback
    Comment from: Elback
    03/28/14 @ 03:36:20 pm

    “Commas” go inside the “quotation marks,” you smart guy you.