Wolf Gnards
Nerding Pop Culture
Indie Girls Deconstructed
There's something about Indie Girls that can drive a geek like me crazy. They represent a very special breed of hipster chick. They're outwardly more friendly and less materialistic than a Trixie. Like Geek Girls, Indie Girls are smart, fun, and knowledgeable of pop culture, however, they're also much more put together... as in A ) they're cute, B ) they know they're cute, and C ) they're purposefully trying to be cute. While Geek Girls can certainly be A, it's B and C that often allude them.
To demonstrate the overall appeal of Indie Cuties, our model for discussion will be no other than Ms. Zooey Deschanel: singer, actress, and all around wide-eye stunner.
Bangs
Bangs are an integral part of the Indie Girl. While, Jenny Lewis may be the Queen of Bangs, Zooey represents bangs in fluid motion. No one has more control over their bangs than Zooey Deschanel.
What's behind those bangs we ask? A massive brain perchance, a brain that could understand our quirks and idiosyncrasies? Zooey's bangs are on a 1:1 face to bang ratio, this is the maximum size bangs can be before they enter New Jersey/Texas territory. Any larger and she's no longer smart and witty, but some sort of trashy.
Eyes
Zooey's eyes are often described as her best feature. They say "the eyes are the gateway to the soul," and like her bangs, her big wide eyes make us believe that something wonderful is going on behind them. An Indie Girl without large doe eyes is hardly an Indie Girl at all, just a squinty nerd with marginally fashionable style.
The color is important, too. Zooey's is an almost unnatural shade of blue. These are eyes that say, "I understand what it's like to be different." They also might say, "I could be an alien."
While, dating an Indie Girl is awesome. Dating an Indie Girl Alien is even better. What Nerd hasn't had that Green Babe Star Trek fantasy?
Smile
Zooey Deschanel is also the master of the Indie Girl smile. It's a smile that borders on a surprised gasp. It's shock combined with almost a knowing wink and displays her sense of wonderment. What does she see to make her smile so? Did someone just make a hilarious Dr. Who reference? Or a cunning observation on the two Coreys? Zooey's is a much practiced smile, maybe, too practiced but still lovely.
Legs
An proper Indie Girl needs not have great legs, but great leggings are a must. Leggings draw attention to legs, while simultaneously covering up any imperfections, the results? Perfection. Without knowing what said legs actually look like all we can do is dream of the wonders that lay underneath.
The Stance
The Indie Girl stance is also critical. Most Indie Girls are on the skinny side with flailing legs and arms, something akin to Olive Oyl. Zooey likes to take a wide stance in her pyramid-like power stance.
However, if we map Zooey's signature stance we find something interesting going on...
Zooey's power stance is clearly a rough facsimile of Kurt Vonnegut's eyes, nose, and mustache. What better why to reach any well educated geek than to invoke their literary idols in her very movement?
Conculsion
These Indie features help make Zooey Deschanel stand out from the rest. Take her sister, Emily Deschanel for example. Emily is a fine looking woman with very similar features as Zooey, yet not nearly as cute. Don't get me wrong, when Emily dressed up as Wonder Woman, it had all the tell tale effects on my libido, but she's still world's apart from her sister.
If you look closely, you'll find Emily's lack of bangs reveals a mega forehead. And her lack of the Indie smile makes me believe she won't put up with any of nonsense (and I have much nonsense to offer). However, Zooey is more than just a random gathering of bits and pieces. Replicating her style and DNA is just not enough... sorry, Katy Perry. Likewise, it takes more than just instructions and bangs to be an Indie Girl. It's a state of being and that's what you got to love about them the most.
However, sad to say for most of us Geeks, Indie Girls like Zooey seem to have their eyes set only for Indie Douches with acoustic guitars.
| Print article | This entry was posted by Wolfie G. Nards on 07/12/09 at 09:10:19 pm . Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. |
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07/12/09 @ 09:52:23 pm
Are all women merely a sum of parts to you?
07/12/09 @ 09:55:08 pm
Of course, not. It's a celebration of the female form. I love big doe eyes or little rat eyes.
07/13/09 @ 08:46:42 am
Very funny.
07/13/09 @ 01:16:34 pm
awww....Zooey Deschanel, she's super cute n beautiful...love her...my boyfriend tells me i look a little like her lol i dont think i do or maybe cuz i have big eyes like her n i used to have bangs too lol
08/11/09 @ 06:59:30 pm
mega forehead? such a statement is probably due to your own insecurity towards your own forehead. but it's okay: all of us internet-folk have insecurities.
personally, i think zooey deschanel has become a ridiculously overrated "indie girl."
and also, emily is so very damn sexy. :)
08/11/09 @ 09:16:28 pm
Don't get me wrong, I would do terrible, terrible things to Emily if given the chance (which I never would be given). It's a completely unbiased observation. a) She has a larger than average forehead (aka fivehead) b) Bangs cover up larger than average foreheads.
Now we can talk about my forehead, but sadly it won't be nearly as interesting, or full of personal forehead demons.
08/17/09 @ 11:58:18 am
I think this is probably the most genius thing I've read in a while. Being a girl, lost, without set style, and the Deschanel sisters being my heroines in the fashion world, this made me laugh. In a good sense.
Agree'd 100%, Zoey has the cute innocence, with the ability to amp up to sultry seductress by hiding those gorgeous eyes behind her bangs paired with a coy smile. The ability to have fun, be childish, but easly switch to Lady of the Night if the occasion called.
A picture of classic beauty, coupled with a bit of geek, and lots of personality, Zoey Deschanel is someone worth aspiring toward!
08/18/09 @ 06:54:21 pm
Fivehead-- Wolfie, you've showed your hand. That's a Tyra-ism :-)
08/19/09 @ 11:10:03 am
yeah when i think indie i think yes man starring jim carrey...really shes just a famous groupie
10/25/09 @ 07:09:47 pm
this is fucking fantastic lmao
12/12/09 @ 01:16:35 pm
this is really interesting. i have bangs but i need to cut them lol. and i have big eyes too. and i am indie. im not zooey but this is very funny lol. im not gay or anything but zooey is very beautiful. two thumbs up! love, Aimee
12/25/09 @ 09:02:16 pm
hahah.. nice.. lol
01/07/10 @ 10:42:14 am
I'm in love with Zooey Deschanel. This post made me squee with delight because now I know exactly how to be like her.
And ya know, all her sexy pictures helped.
02/27/10 @ 01:06:17 pm
This is SO funny :D Loved it, and love Zooey (L)
03/30/10 @ 11:58:54 am
wow!!! she's so beautiful... very good!!
03/31/10 @ 04:22:29 pm
Hilarious!
p.s
disclaimer:
1. i'm a tad tired of ZD
2. i think cute indie girls come in all sizes and shapes, and capture your heart when you suddenly discover they know your fave comics or that band that no one knows
05/08/10 @ 11:04:25 am
done their fair share and Ron and Kyle have also provided a lengthy analysis of what has happened
05/15/10 @ 01:16:27 am
Everything hipster sucks and needs to die.
06/04/10 @ 05:47:09 pm
I must say that I find this negating towards any women, more so towards zooey deschanel. Its not that I am emotionally invested towards her at all but this blog is just stereotyping young women. This, along with many other mediums of cultural information, is branding human beings as a certain type of person simply for what clothes they wear or because they listen to bands that would aren't fully mainstream. I believe all the connatations that are placed into the indie style are self-defeating. All of these young girls that are attempting to portray themselves as "indie" are as superficial and self absorbed just as much as preppie girls, trixie girls, scene girls, metal girls, etc., and whatever scene is bound to grow as time goes on. All of these girls claim to be independent and individual but for some reason they all seem to dress like one another. Even if it is not as popular as preppy styles or any other style, that itself does not make it unique. It is just the media coloring fabrics and art from people in a certain way to appeal to a certain demographic. Girls, stop dressing like people on television and magazines and find your own style. Just because you wear high top colorful nikes and glasses with no lens doesn't make you a trend setter. It makes you a sheep
06/27/10 @ 06:44:51 pm
umm usually only white girls or girls with straight hair can have bangs. its really hard to have them if you have curly hair or a fro but that doesnt mean youre not indie...
07/23/10 @ 09:16:59 am
Well, you're shallow. And sad. The word "indie" has entirely lost its meaning with this post. So if I wore my hair this way and bulged my eyes and hung out at the record store or wherever the *pretentious* hipster hotspots are, I'd qualify as an Indie Girl? How desperate it is that one still makes a conscious effort to be arty/cool. This is so high school.
07/24/10 @ 09:13:55 pm
Dude, why are you so funny? I Googled "bangs" and this is what I found. Thank God for Google. This has been the icing to the cake of my night. Here I was, sitting bored and alone with the internet,and now I find myself with a much appreciated degree in Indie girls. I read every comma, sir. You are obviously a worldly man who understands the complex and righteous being who is Zooey Deschanel. That I find refreshing and thoroughly thank you for.
08/05/10 @ 10:35:36 pm
I have a bit of news related to Zooey Deschanel that's really quite depressing.
My film study teacher (who, apparently, was/is quite a gem in the film world) met Zooey Deschanel at some fancy schmancy premiere. Her impression was that of bitchiness and an overwhelming sense of superiority coming from the lovely actress.
She seems that way in interviews too.
So really, Zooey Deschanel should be moved to that prissy bitch category with Dakota Fanning and Julia Stiles. Satan in a sunday hat, ladies and gentlemen.
...Okay, she's still extremely attractive and I'd go gay for her in a second but that doesn't make her any less of a bitch.
08/10/10 @ 11:35:55 pm
one year later,
this is still genius and as funny as ever
08/14/10 @ 08:23:45 am
We already know that Zoey is the penultimate "Indie" girl. And everybody loves her. You should have compared and contrasted some other well known Indie girls like "Taryn Manning" or "Natalie Merchant" or girls who try to be Indie (but fail miserably) like "Bjork"...
08/16/10 @ 02:30:24 pm
She is a Geek Goddess
08/18/10 @ 08:22:30 am
I LOVE the tie in of Kurt Vonnegut's eyes, nose, and mustache to Zooey's power stance! Very clever in intuitive!
09/01/10 @ 02:12:33 am
THIS NOT ONLY MADE MY DAY, BUT MY YEAR. SCRATCH THAT, MY LIFE!
09/10/10 @ 08:45:31 pm
"It's a celebration of the female form." So's Playboy. I thought geeks were supposed to be smart, but mostly they're just guys who like to play video games for hours on end and dick around online to the exclusion of going outside and talking to real girls. I see you are of that variety. Is that what you meant by "idiosyncrasies?" Cuz you've got a lot to learn about women.
09/12/10 @ 10:56:37 am
geez, you're really weird... i'm so sure you never had sex with awesome-looking girl so you pretend to be so picky ;/
09/17/10 @ 12:30:36 pm
Hahaha, this is fantastic. I love that you made being an "indie girl" have formulas. I love it.
09/28/10 @ 02:18:50 am
Wow she is really beautiful!
12/12/10 @ 06:33:44 pm
This is hilarious! I love ZD and your random tie in to KV was great. This whole post is awesome. Thanks!
01/05/11 @ 11:18:24 pm
Wow great post, very funny and true about the duche hipster types getting tw hot scene chicks. Now I have to see what else is on tha website.
01/12/11 @ 02:29:56 am
you must really hate ben gibbard
01/12/11 @ 04:54:50 pm
I think you should also put a short discourse on her name. "Zooey" is like as Indie Girl as you could get :)
01/13/11 @ 08:48:32 am
Loved this article! ^^
02/09/11 @ 06:15:42 pm
I love her, I saw some really cool pics of her at http://www.google.com today. She rocks!
02/10/11 @ 11:50:19 am
theres some sexy pics right there!
02/12/11 @ 09:28:24 pm
umm.... stalker much
03/02/11 @ 11:41:48 am
She's like the female version of Katy Perry.
03/03/11 @ 06:34:25 am
I sure hope this was written half in jest and a bit tongue in cheek. You have completely commercialised 'indie'. It is a way of life and being, regardless of whether if you have bangs and what shade or blue or dirty green your peepers are. If indie is what you call it, that is all that this Zoe woman represents, people will create another subculture just to preserve the domain for people to be truely indie. Fail.
03/19/11 @ 06:11:04 am
I could sum this up with an equation.
e = mc²
Zoey = beauty.
Indie is cool for me. :)
03/21/11 @ 10:32:28 am
This girl looks like Katy Perry. Or this is her? :))
Anyway, I find her very beautiful and your post very funny.
03/31/11 @ 01:02:19 am
thank you for post i love
04/01/11 @ 07:18:21 pm
Wow. This post reeks of self consciousness, pretension, and "oh im so not a hipster"...
04/09/11 @ 03:54:55 pm
As a Zooey-phile, this made my day. <3
05/25/11 @ 05:03:22 pm
I am a girl with bangs and blue eyes but with no indie/hipster/stereotypical affiliation and I think this post is fantastic. Take it for what it is, folks! Zooey's a doll, and here she is, deconstructed (visually, at least). It's rather helpful if that's the look you're going for, too.
06/17/11 @ 02:10:08 am
Sorry to burst your bubble, but Zooey actually wears blue contacts; her eyes are naturally brown.
07/05/11 @ 08:26:25 pm
I was just looking for what type of bangs to get, and I stumble apon this. You're funny though. I liked the Kurt Vonnegut part.
07/10/11 @ 02:39:47 pm
Zooey is "cute" at best, not hot, sexy, and not really that beautiful. I mean I used to think she was till I got sick of her robotic voice, hipster-ness, zombie acting, dead creepy blue eyes, etc. Emily is so, so much more attractive and talented. while they do look alike, it's funny how different than they. Zooey is a trendster with trendy coloring (black hair and blue eyes, even if they're both fake, and pale skin), she's got classic facial features, does more movies than TV, very popular and famous and quite overrated. Emily has a color combination I MUCH prefer (brown hair, unique eyes which seem to be pale green and pale blue both as well as pale skin), more exotic facial features, sexier, talented, does more TV than movies (actually I can't name any movies I know her in...) and is more underrated next to her little sister at least.
07/10/11 @ 02:40:32 pm
Although I will say Zooey has better boobs ;p Smaller and perky. Emily's body is nice too though of course.
07/30/11 @ 04:23:10 pm
is that swimsuit model in the video REALLY what turns you on...or isn't that just an intel shield for the wintry girl with black bangs, cut straight across?
what exactly ARE you so tense about, small town america?
07/31/11 @ 01:26:03 pm
who exactly IS that you've locked yourself up in your bedroom with, champ? is she stacked...or LOADED?
09/03/11 @ 05:12:43 am
I am a girl with bangs and blue eyes but with no indie/hipster/stereotypical affiliation and I think this post is fantastic. Take it for what it is, folks! Zooey's a doll, and here she is, deconstructed (visually, at least). It's rather helpful if that's the look you're going for, too.
09/08/11 @ 10:44:39 am
Hmmm. I guess I'm not an indie girl. My posture is more like Ernest Hemingway's face. When he was on a bender.
09/14/11 @ 03:00:44 am
You, sir, have put my feelings into words. I thank you.
09/21/11 @ 07:47:47 pm
this post is the best thing on internet. hell yeah.
10/03/11 @ 09:52:25 am
indie girls who find interest in said indie acoustic douches are also complete douche bags in and of themselves.....
please lift those bangs n double check there is a brain under there otherwise it's just a lil hairspray, volumizer, & too much time spent in front of a mirror.
10/18/11 @ 01:42:43 pm
@Katerina Yager... any more details to share on your teacher's encounter with ZD? I keep reading comments around the 'net from people who have met her and found her really rude and mean, but I'd really like to hear some specifics on her behavior. It's not that I don't believe them - I do - I just think it's quite surprising and I'd like to hear details so I can really imagine it. I have to admit, it makes a certain sense - they are a few telltale signs even in her carefully constructed public persona, from a bitchy look she can get to her peculiarly oversensitive online rants. She has struck me as probably quite moody, but these unflattering stories from those who have met her paint a starker picture. It would be disappointing to know she is that two-faced.
10/20/11 @ 02:10:38 am
very nice post, i certainly love this website, keep on it.
11/18/11 @ 03:49:45 am
thanks for this lovely post
11/18/11 @ 03:52:52 am
nice post :)
11/20/11 @ 07:44:14 pm
you are a soul lacking misogynist and probably have a dick like an old man's pinky
11/23/11 @ 12:13:03 pm
lol I love this post! great job :)
11/25/11 @ 02:49:31 pm
Oh look. Another generic Indie Girl posting about a wide eyed girl with bangs and a wooden acting talent. Please.
Theres so many more beautiful and talented Indie girls out there. How about BEING Indie and be a bit original?
12/31/11 @ 05:27:14 pm
She is like a jewel,no doubt.Grūti atraut skatienu.
01/21/12 @ 07:53:39 am
wow! loved this post, it kinda describes me in so many ways lol
01/23/12 @ 07:06:55 pm
I steal words. Yours included.
02/17/12 @ 11:27:27 am
many people will not believe me when i say i'm just like Zooey, with the face, the hair, everything, except the eyes xD and my lovelly boyfriend is a geek. there's nothing better for an indie girl than have a geek boyfriend... they are smart, funny, playfull, all that EVERY girl want
02/21/12 @ 04:04:23 pm
Please forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought geeks were supposed to be smart. Since you are a self-proclaimed geek, I didn't expect so many grammatical errors.
02/22/12 @ 03:51:45 pm
Emilys forehead is NOT massive.
02/28/12 @ 01:00:57 pm
Hmmm I guess we can reverse engineer how God made women.
03/27/12 @ 09:45:43 am
I haven't really found Zooey Deschanel to be that compelling as an indie girl prospect, and I never really found Audrey Hepburn as an appropriate fantasy either. Allow me to explain.
Imagine if you will, the concept of my ideal woman did some horrible things in the Amazon, Cannibal Holocaust jungle of my soul. Thus as a defence mechanism, the Cannibal Holocaust Tree People in my soul butchered the concept of my Ideal Woman for aiding and abetting outside factors that would harm my soul, and after that devoured what they could carve out of said concept, and then burned what was left until not even Robert Kerman could find the body when they sent him in to find what was left of my romantic hopes and dreams.
Hence I don't see myself falling for Zooey Deschanel's indie girl charms, or any other indie girl's charms any time soon. I am a broken man deprived of hugs, and my brain knows only horrifying imagery from experimental arthouse and exploitation films, as well as a general loathing for the society that allowed my shut in-ness to occur.
I have issues, and maybe it isn't Zooey Deschanel's fault I don't seem to adore her. OR IS IT?
05/16/12 @ 09:15:40 am
Zooey es hermosa !
aca en argentina la re bancamos !
aguante velez y seru giran !