Indie Girls Deconstructed

There's something about Indie Girls that can drive a geek like me crazy. They represent a very special breed of hipster chick. They're outwardly more friendly and less materialistic than a Trixie. Like Geek Girls, Indie Girls are smart, fun, and knowledgeable of pop culture, however, they're also much more put together... as in A ) they're cute, B ) they know they're cute, and C ) they're purposefully trying to be cute. While Geek Girls can certainly be A, it's B and C that often allude them.

Hipster Hottie Spectrum

To demonstrate the overall appeal of Indie Cuties, our model for discussion will be no other than Ms. Zooey Deschanel: singer, actress, and all around wide-eye stunner.

Bangs

Bangs are an integral part of the Indie Girl. While, Jenny Lewis may be the Queen of Bangs, Zooey represents bangs in fluid motion. No one has more control over their bangs than Zooey Deschanel.

Zooey's Bangs

What's behind those bangs we ask? A massive brain perchance, a brain that could understand our quirks and idiosyncrasies? Zooey's bangs are on a 1:1 face to bang ratio, this is the maximum size bangs can be before they enter New Jersey/Texas territory. Any larger and she's no longer smart and witty, but some sort of trashy.

Eyes

Zooey's eyes are often described as her best feature. They say "the eyes are the gateway to the soul," and like her bangs, her big wide eyes make us believe that something wonderful is going on behind them. An Indie Girl without large doe eyes is hardly an Indie Girl at all, just a squinty nerd with marginally fashionable style.

Zooey Deschanel Eyes

The color is important, too. Zooey's is an almost unnatural shade of blue. These are eyes that say, "I understand what it's like to be different." They also might say, "I could be an alien."

While, dating an Indie Girl is awesome. Dating an Indie Girl Alien is even better. What Nerd hasn't had that Green Babe Star Trek fantasy?

Smile

Zooey Deschanel is also the master of the Indie Girl smile. It's a smile that borders on a surprised gasp. It's shock combined with almost a knowing wink and displays her sense of wonderment. What does she see to make her smile so? Did someone just make a hilarious Dr. Who reference? Or a cunning observation on the two Coreys? Zooey's is a much practiced smile, maybe, too practiced but still lovely.

Zooey's Smile

Legs

An proper Indie Girl needs not have great legs, but great leggings are a must. Leggings draw attention to legs, while simultaneously covering up any imperfections, the results? Perfection. Without knowing what said legs actually look like all we can do is dream of the wonders that lay underneath.

Zooey's Legs
Zooey's Knee Socks

The Stance

The Indie Girl stance is also critical. Most Indie Girls are on the skinny side with flailing legs and arms, something akin to Olive Oyl. Zooey likes to take a wide stance in her pyramid-like power stance.

Zooey Stance

However, if we map Zooey's signature stance we find something interesting going on...

Zooey Figure

Zooey's power stance is clearly a rough facsimile of Kurt Vonnegut's eyes, nose, and mustache. What better why to reach any well educated geek than to invoke their literary idols in her very movement?

Vonnegut Figure Map

Conculsion

These Indie features help make Zooey Deschanel stand out from the rest. Take her sister, Emily Deschanel for example. Emily is a fine looking woman with very similar features as Zooey, yet not nearly as cute. Don't get me wrong, when Emily dressed up as Wonder Woman, it had all the tell tale effects on my libido, but she's still world's apart from her sister.

Emily and Zooey Deschanel

If you look closely, you'll find Emily's lack of bangs reveals a mega forehead. And her lack of the Indie smile makes me believe she won't put up with any of nonsense (and I have much nonsense to offer). However, Zooey is more than just a random gathering of bits and pieces. Replicating her style and DNA is just not enough... sorry, Katy Perry. Likewise, it takes more than just instructions and bangs to be an Indie Girl. It's a state of being and that's what you got to love about them the most.

However, sad to say for most of us Geeks, Indie Girls like Zooey seem to have their eyes set only for Indie Douches with acoustic guitars.

  • Dee Dee Supreme
    Comment from: Dee Dee Supreme
    07/12/09 @ 09:52:23 pm

    Are all women merely a sum of parts to you?

  • W. G. Nards
    Comment from: W. G. Nards
    07/12/09 @ 09:55:08 pm

    Of course, not. It's a celebration of the female form. I love big doe eyes or little rat eyes.

  • Darius Whiteplume
    Comment from: Darius Whiteplume
    07/13/09 @ 08:46:42 am

    Very funny.

  • zombiedoll0
    Comment from: zombiedoll0
    07/13/09 @ 01:16:34 pm

    awww....Zooey Deschanel, she's super cute n beautiful...love her...my boyfriend tells me i look a little like her lol i dont think i do or maybe cuz i have big eyes like her n i used to have bangs too lol

  • alex
    Comment from: alex
    08/11/09 @ 06:59:30 pm

    mega forehead? such a statement is probably due to your own insecurity towards your own forehead. but it's okay: all of us internet-folk have insecurities.

    personally, i think zooey deschanel has become a ridiculously overrated "indie girl."

    and also, emily is so very damn sexy. :)

  • W. G. Nards
    Comment from: W. G. Nards
    08/11/09 @ 09:16:28 pm

    Don't get me wrong, I would do terrible, terrible things to Emily if given the chance (which I never would be given). It's a completely unbiased observation. a) She has a larger than average forehead (aka fivehead) b) Bangs cover up larger than average foreheads.

    Now we can talk about my forehead, but sadly it won't be nearly as interesting, or full of personal forehead demons.

  • Mandalynne
    Comment from: Mandalynne
    08/17/09 @ 11:58:18 am

    I think this is probably the most genius thing I've read in a while. Being a girl, lost, without set style, and the Deschanel sisters being my heroines in the fashion world, this made me laugh. In a good sense.

    Agree'd 100%, Zoey has the cute innocence, with the ability to amp up to sultry seductress by hiding those gorgeous eyes behind her bangs paired with a coy smile. The ability to have fun, be childish, but easly switch to Lady of the Night if the occasion called.

    A picture of classic beauty, coupled with a bit of geek, and lots of personality, Zoey Deschanel is someone worth aspiring toward!

  • Dee Dee Supreme
    Comment from: Dee Dee Supreme
    08/18/09 @ 06:54:21 pm

    Fivehead-- Wolfie, you've showed your hand. That's a Tyra-ism :-)

  • a
    Comment from: a
    08/19/09 @ 11:10:03 am

    yeah when i think indie i think yes man starring jim carrey...really shes just a famous groupie

  • indie
    Comment from: indie
    10/25/09 @ 07:09:47 pm

    this is fucking fantastic lmao

  • aimee
    Comment from: aimee
    12/12/09 @ 01:16:35 pm

    this is really interesting. i have bangs but i need to cut them lol. and i have big eyes too. and i am indie. im not zooey but this is very funny lol. im not gay or anything but zooey is very beautiful. two thumbs up! love, Aimee

  • wolff tanning bed bulbs
    Comment from: wolff tanning bed bulbs
    12/25/09 @ 09:02:16 pm

    hahah.. nice.. lol

  • PQ
    Comment from: PQ
    01/07/10 @ 10:42:14 am

    I'm in love with Zooey Deschanel. This post made me squee with delight because now I know exactly how to be like her.

    And ya know, all her sexy pictures helped.

  • Kiddo
    Comment from: Kiddo
    02/27/10 @ 01:06:17 pm

    This is SO funny :D Loved it, and love Zooey (L)

  • ZooeygisS
    Comment from: ZooeygisS
    03/30/10 @ 11:58:54 am

    wow!!! she's so beautiful... very good!!

  • daria
    Comment from: daria
    03/31/10 @ 04:22:29 pm

    Hilarious!

    p.s
    disclaimer:
    1. i'm a tad tired of ZD
    2. i think cute indie girls come in all sizes and shapes, and capture your heart when you suddenly discover they know your fave comics or that band that no one knows

  • evden eve nakliye
    Comment from: evden eve nakliye
    05/08/10 @ 11:04:25 am

    done their fair share and Ron and Kyle have also provided a lengthy analysis of what has happened

  • awwhawhaw
    Comment from: awwhawhaw
    05/15/10 @ 01:16:27 am

    Everything hipster sucks and needs to die.

  • ciscokid
    Comment from: ciscokid
    06/04/10 @ 05:47:09 pm

    I must say that I find this negating towards any women, more so towards zooey deschanel. Its not that I am emotionally invested towards her at all but this blog is just stereotyping young women. This, along with many other mediums of cultural information, is branding human beings as a certain type of person simply for what clothes they wear or because they listen to bands that would aren't fully mainstream. I believe all the connatations that are placed into the indie style are self-defeating. All of these young girls that are attempting to portray themselves as "indie" are as superficial and self absorbed just as much as preppie girls, trixie girls, scene girls, metal girls, etc., and whatever scene is bound to grow as time goes on. All of these girls claim to be independent and individual but for some reason they all seem to dress like one another. Even if it is not as popular as preppy styles or any other style, that itself does not make it unique. It is just the media coloring fabrics and art from people in a certain way to appeal to a certain demographic. Girls, stop dressing like people on television and magazines and find your own style. Just because you wear high top colorful nikes and glasses with no lens doesn't make you a trend setter. It makes you a sheep

  • zooey is annoying
    Comment from: zooey is annoying
    06/27/10 @ 06:44:51 pm

    umm usually only white girls or girls with straight hair can have bangs. its really hard to have them if you have curly hair or a fro but that doesnt mean youre not indie...

  • greenstarrz
    Comment from: greenstarrz
    07/23/10 @ 09:16:59 am

    Well, you're shallow. And sad. The word "indie" has entirely lost its meaning with this post. So if I wore my hair this way and bulged my eyes and hung out at the record store or wherever the *pretentious* hipster hotspots are, I'd qualify as an Indie Girl? How desperate it is that one still makes a conscious effort to be arty/cool. This is so high school.

  • Mary Evelyn
    Comment from: Mary Evelyn
    07/24/10 @ 09:13:55 pm

    Dude, why are you so funny? I Googled "bangs" and this is what I found. Thank God for Google. This has been the icing to the cake of my night. Here I was, sitting bored and alone with the internet,and now I find myself with a much appreciated degree in Indie girls. I read every comma, sir. You are obviously a worldly man who understands the complex and righteous being who is Zooey Deschanel. That I find refreshing and thoroughly thank you for.

  • Katerina Yager
    Comment from: Katerina Yager
    08/05/10 @ 10:35:36 pm

    I have a bit of news related to Zooey Deschanel that's really quite depressing.
    My film study teacher (who, apparently, was/is quite a gem in the film world) met Zooey Deschanel at some fancy schmancy premiere. Her impression was that of bitchiness and an overwhelming sense of superiority coming from the lovely actress.
    She seems that way in interviews too.

    So really, Zooey Deschanel should be moved to that prissy bitch category with Dakota Fanning and Julia Stiles. Satan in a sunday hat, ladies and gentlemen.

    ...Okay, she's still extremely attractive and I'd go gay for her in a second but that doesn't make her any less of a bitch.

  • gummyD
    Comment from: gummyD
    08/10/10 @ 11:35:55 pm

    one year later,
    this is still genius and as funny as ever

  • SuperDestroyer
    Comment from: SuperDestroyer
    08/14/10 @ 08:23:45 am

    We already know that Zoey is the penultimate "Indie" girl. And everybody loves her. You should have compared and contrasted some other well known Indie girls like "Taryn Manning" or "Natalie Merchant" or girls who try to be Indie (but fail miserably) like "Bjork"...

  • Rob
    Comment from: Rob
    08/16/10 @ 02:30:24 pm

    She is a Geek Goddess

  • Elvira
    Comment from: Elvira
    08/18/10 @ 08:22:30 am

    I LOVE the tie in of Kurt Vonnegut's eyes, nose, and mustache to Zooey's power stance! Very clever in intuitive!

  • Unusually Average
    Comment from: Unusually Average
    09/01/10 @ 02:12:33 am

    THIS NOT ONLY MADE MY DAY, BUT MY YEAR. SCRATCH THAT, MY LIFE!

  • stivee
    Comment from: stivee
    09/10/10 @ 08:45:31 pm

    "It's a celebration of the female form." So's Playboy. I thought geeks were supposed to be smart, but mostly they're just guys who like to play video games for hours on end and dick around online to the exclusion of going outside and talking to real girls. I see you are of that variety. Is that what you meant by "idiosyncrasies?" Cuz you've got a lot to learn about women.

  • peewiee
    Comment from: peewiee
    09/12/10 @ 10:56:37 am

    geez, you're really weird... i'm so sure you never had sex with awesome-looking girl so you pretend to be so picky ;/

  • Caty
    Comment from: Caty
    09/17/10 @ 12:30:36 pm

    Hahaha, this is fantastic. I love that you made being an "indie girl" have formulas. I love it.

  • gossip girl season 4 episode 1
    Comment from: gossip girl season 4 episode 1
    09/28/10 @ 02:18:50 am

    Wow she is really beautiful!

  • JJ
    Comment from: JJ
    12/12/10 @ 06:33:44 pm

    This is hilarious! I love ZD and your random tie in to KV was great. This whole post is awesome. Thanks!

  • Walter
    Comment from: Walter
    01/05/11 @ 11:18:24 pm

    Wow great post, very funny and true about the duche hipster types getting tw hot scene chicks. Now I have to see what else is on tha website.

  • pancake
    Comment from: pancake
    01/12/11 @ 02:29:56 am

    you must really hate ben gibbard

  • Naomi
    Comment from: Naomi
    01/12/11 @ 04:54:50 pm

    I think you should also put a short discourse on her name. "Zooey" is like as Indie Girl as you could get :)

  • Hejsansvejsan
    Comment from: Hejsansvejsan
    01/13/11 @ 08:48:32 am

    Loved this article! ^^

  • Tabatha
    Comment from: Tabatha
    02/09/11 @ 06:15:42 pm

    I love her, I saw some really cool pics of her at http://www.google.com today. She rocks!

  • leorarose
    Comment from: leorarose
    02/10/11 @ 11:50:19 am

    theres some sexy pics right there!

  • SwizzleBeak
    Comment from: SwizzleBeak
    02/12/11 @ 09:28:24 pm

    umm.... stalker much

  • how to burn xbox 360 games
    Comment from: how to burn xbox 360 games
    03/02/11 @ 11:41:48 am

    She's like the female version of Katy Perry.

  • Rachel
    Comment from: Rachel
    03/03/11 @ 06:34:25 am

    I sure hope this was written half in jest and a bit tongue in cheek. You have completely commercialised 'indie'. It is a way of life and being, regardless of whether if you have bangs and what shade or blue or dirty green your peepers are. If indie is what you call it, that is all that this Zoe woman represents, people will create another subculture just to preserve the domain for people to be truely indie. Fail.

  • wow quest helper
    Comment from: wow quest helper
    03/19/11 @ 06:11:04 am

    I could sum this up with an equation.
    e = mc²
    Zoey = beauty.
    Indie is cool for me. :)

  • Johana
    Comment from: Johana
    03/21/11 @ 10:32:28 am

    This girl looks like Katy Perry. Or this is her? :))

    Anyway, I find her very beautiful and your post very funny.

  • free blog
    Comment from: free blog
    03/31/11 @ 01:02:19 am

    thank you for post i love

  • Aenid
    Comment from: Aenid
    04/01/11 @ 07:18:21 pm

    Wow. This post reeks of self consciousness, pretension, and "oh im so not a hipster"...

  • GypsyLace
    Comment from: GypsyLace
    04/09/11 @ 03:54:55 pm

    As a Zooey-phile, this made my day. <3

  • Kaitlyn
    Comment from: Kaitlyn
    05/25/11 @ 05:03:22 pm

    I am a girl with bangs and blue eyes but with no indie/hipster/stereotypical affiliation and I think this post is fantastic. Take it for what it is, folks! Zooey's a doll, and here she is, deconstructed (visually, at least). It's rather helpful if that's the look you're going for, too.

  • alex
    Comment from: alex
    06/17/11 @ 02:10:08 am

    Sorry to burst your bubble, but Zooey actually wears blue contacts; her eyes are naturally brown.

  • Kat
    Comment from: Kat
    07/05/11 @ 08:26:25 pm

    I was just looking for what type of bangs to get, and I stumble apon this. You're funny though. I liked the Kurt Vonnegut part.

  • jo
    Comment from: jo
    07/10/11 @ 02:39:47 pm

    Zooey is "cute" at best, not hot, sexy, and not really that beautiful. I mean I used to think she was till I got sick of her robotic voice, hipster-ness, zombie acting, dead creepy blue eyes, etc. Emily is so, so much more attractive and talented. while they do look alike, it's funny how different than they. Zooey is a trendster with trendy coloring (black hair and blue eyes, even if they're both fake, and pale skin), she's got classic facial features, does more movies than TV, very popular and famous and quite overrated. Emily has a color combination I MUCH prefer (brown hair, unique eyes which seem to be pale green and pale blue both as well as pale skin), more exotic facial features, sexier, talented, does more TV than movies (actually I can't name any movies I know her in...) and is more underrated next to her little sister at least.

  • jo
    Comment from: jo
    07/10/11 @ 02:40:32 pm

    Although I will say Zooey has better boobs ;p Smaller and perky. Emily's body is nice too though of course.

  • Keith Eng Ellington
    Comment from: Keith Eng Ellington
    07/30/11 @ 04:23:10 pm

    is that swimsuit model in the video REALLY what turns you on...or isn't that just an intel shield for the wintry girl with black bangs, cut straight across?

    what exactly ARE you so tense about, small town america?

  • Keith Eng Ellington
    Comment from: Keith Eng Ellington
    07/31/11 @ 01:26:03 pm

    who exactly IS that you've locked yourself up in your bedroom with, champ? is she stacked...or LOADED?

  • how to get your ex boyfriend back
    Comment from: how to get your ex boyfriend back
    09/03/11 @ 05:12:43 am

    I am a girl with bangs and blue eyes but with no indie/hipster/stereotypical affiliation and I think this post is fantastic. Take it for what it is, folks! Zooey's a doll, and here she is, deconstructed (visually, at least). It's rather helpful if that's the look you're going for, too.

  • SexyNerdGirl
    Comment from: SexyNerdGirl
    09/08/11 @ 10:44:39 am

    Hmmm. I guess I'm not an indie girl. My posture is more like Ernest Hemingway's face. When he was on a bender.

  • madjack
    Comment from: madjack
    09/14/11 @ 03:00:44 am

    You, sir, have put my feelings into words. I thank you.

  • Barbara
    Comment from: Barbara
    09/21/11 @ 07:47:47 pm

    this post is the best thing on internet. hell yeah.

  • rachel
    Comment from: rachel
    10/03/11 @ 09:52:25 am

    indie girls who find interest in said indie acoustic douches are also complete douche bags in and of themselves.....

    please lift those bangs n double check there is a brain under there otherwise it's just a lil hairspray, volumizer, & too much time spent in front of a mirror.

  • Bottomly
    Comment from: Bottomly
    10/18/11 @ 01:42:43 pm

    @Katerina Yager... any more details to share on your teacher's encounter with ZD? I keep reading comments around the 'net from people who have met her and found her really rude and mean, but I'd really like to hear some specifics on her behavior. It's not that I don't believe them - I do - I just think it's quite surprising and I'd like to hear details so I can really imagine it. I have to admit, it makes a certain sense - they are a few telltale signs even in her carefully constructed public persona, from a bitchy look she can get to her peculiarly oversensitive online rants. She has struck me as probably quite moody, but these unflattering stories from those who have met her paint a starker picture. It would be disappointing to know she is that two-faced.

  • Red Bull Hats
    Comment from: Red Bull Hats
    10/20/11 @ 02:10:38 am

    very nice post, i certainly love this website, keep on it.

  • James
    Comment from: James
    11/18/11 @ 03:49:45 am

    thanks for this lovely post

  • samui
    Comment from: samui
    11/18/11 @ 03:52:52 am

    nice post :)

  • irenetaylor
    Comment from: irenetaylor
    11/20/11 @ 07:44:14 pm

    you are a soul lacking misogynist and probably have a dick like an old man's pinky

  • Ashley
    Comment from: Ashley
    11/23/11 @ 12:13:03 pm

    lol I love this post! great job :)

  • Amey
    Comment from: Amey
    11/25/11 @ 02:49:31 pm

    Oh look. Another generic Indie Girl posting about a wide eyed girl with bangs and a wooden acting talent. Please.
    Theres so many more beautiful and talented Indie girls out there. How about BEING Indie and be a bit original?

  • elvis in Latvia
    Comment from: elvis in Latvia
    12/31/11 @ 05:27:14 pm

    She is like a jewel,no doubt.Grūti atraut skatienu.

  • adrii
    Comment from: adrii
    01/21/12 @ 07:53:39 am

    wow! loved this post, it kinda describes me in so many ways lol

  • Marissa Mooney
    Comment from: Marissa Mooney
    01/23/12 @ 07:06:55 pm

    I steal words. Yours included.

  • Allie
    Comment from: Allie
    02/17/12 @ 11:27:27 am

    many people will not believe me when i say i'm just like Zooey, with the face, the hair, everything, except the eyes xD and my lovelly boyfriend is a geek. there's nothing better for an indie girl than have a geek boyfriend... they are smart, funny, playfull, all that EVERY girl want

  • susy
    Comment from: susy
    02/21/12 @ 04:04:23 pm

    Please forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought geeks were supposed to be smart. Since you are a self-proclaimed geek, I didn't expect so many grammatical errors.

  • Gemma
    Comment from: Gemma
    02/22/12 @ 03:51:45 pm

    Emilys forehead is NOT massive.

  • swingers
    Comment from: swingers
    02/28/12 @ 01:00:57 pm

    Hmmm I guess we can reverse engineer how God made women.

  • Jacob Martin
    Comment from: Jacob Martin
    03/27/12 @ 09:45:43 am

    I haven't really found Zooey Deschanel to be that compelling as an indie girl prospect, and I never really found Audrey Hepburn as an appropriate fantasy either. Allow me to explain.

    Imagine if you will, the concept of my ideal woman did some horrible things in the Amazon, Cannibal Holocaust jungle of my soul. Thus as a defence mechanism, the Cannibal Holocaust Tree People in my soul butchered the concept of my Ideal Woman for aiding and abetting outside factors that would harm my soul, and after that devoured what they could carve out of said concept, and then burned what was left until not even Robert Kerman could find the body when they sent him in to find what was left of my romantic hopes and dreams.

    Hence I don't see myself falling for Zooey Deschanel's indie girl charms, or any other indie girl's charms any time soon. I am a broken man deprived of hugs, and my brain knows only horrifying imagery from experimental arthouse and exploitation films, as well as a general loathing for the society that allowed my shut in-ness to occur.

    I have issues, and maybe it isn't Zooey Deschanel's fault I don't seem to adore her. OR IS IT?

  • Seru_Giran
    Comment from: Seru_Giran
    05/16/12 @ 09:15:40 am

    Zooey es hermosa !
    aca en argentina la re bancamos !
    aguante velez y seru giran !

  • tina
    Comment from: tina
    07/13/13 @ 06:14:39 pm

    this is remarkably stupid, and offensive. nice try

  • C Dog Cat
    Comment from: C Dog Cat
    12/13/13 @ 08:09:21 am

    I was sipping tea as I read this thinking, 'yeah, yeah, yeah, Zooey, cute as button, never gonna meet, whatever...' and then got to the Vonnegut stance.

    I literally just about spit my tea out laughing. For that, sir, I thank you.

  • SV
    Comment from: SV
    03/13/14 @ 09:33:59 pm

    I agree with Tina. Pretty stupid. Sorry.

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