A little something to warm you up on those cold Klingon nights. Started at the 1999 Dragon*Con in Atlanta, The Miss Klingon Empire Beauty Pageant brings together the model of Klingon loveliness from across the country. And perhaps, just perhaps, the idea Klingon female form is a little different from Earth standard... but who are we to judge? Bottom line: Worf likes him some junk in the trunk, and some junk above the trunk, and around the trunk... he just likes a lot junk everywhere, and who can blame him?
The contestants are judged on beauty, talent, and personality. Klingon talents are preferred, as long as it doesn't endanger the contestants, the audience, or the “celebrity” judges. The last thing we need is a bloody bat'leth and a room full of dead nerds.
Miss Klingon Empire 1999
Wants world peace through blunt force trauma.
Miss Klingon Empire 2000
Believes charity work is a dish best served cold.
Miss Klingon Empire 2001
Enjoys long walks on the battlefield.
Miss Klingon Empire 2002
Can't find the Klingon home world on a map, but can find your face with her fist.
Miss Klingon Empire 2003
"Ma'Jon of the Clan IpaQ"
Wants a return to traditional family values... like stabbing.
Miss Klingon Empire 2004
Wants to promote a better life for our children by killing more.
Miss Klingon Empire 2005
Considers herself a giver, a giver of pain.
Miss Klingon Empire 2006
Likes to relax with blood wine, Klingon opera, and breaking bones.
Miss Klingon Empire 2007
Spare the phaser, spoil the child.
Miss Klingon Empire 2008
"Nej Vestai Le'nIvnav"
Worf... good. Me... Worf... like.
Miss Klingon Empire 2009
Her biggest strength: Torturing with painsticks.
Biggest weakness: She cares too much about torturing with painsticks.
By the looks of things, I think the contest could use some young blood. If you're a comely Klingon lass in the Atlanta area, join up because you can sweep the competition. You'll probably even get to make out with the likes of Robert Picardo or LeVar Burton or Robert Picardo... no, not doing it for you? Check out the Miss Klingon Empire site though if you do decide to hook up with Robert Picardo (for some reason I just like the idea of him living off Star Trek conventions and trying to get Trekkie girls drunk).
In accordance with Robert Picardo's representatives, we have removed a link to Mr. Picardo's official website. Mr. Picardo DOES NOT endorse this post, this website, or to Wolf Gnards' knowledge any Star Trek tribute. This blog DOES NOT have prior knowledge of or endorse any sort of intimate relationship with Mr. Picardo (be it sexual, drunk, or otherwise).
Further discussion can be found at our formal apology to Robert Picardo.
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