What the Government Doesn't Want you to Know
There is a conspiracy of fat men on television. Why did Kevin James, Jim Belushi, and Mark Addy have TV shows? Talent? Hardly. Most would attribute the phenomenon by the simple equation fat equals funny and, of course, the fatter the funnier, but this does not work in pairs. The classic fat duos are traditionally the fat and the fat inverse ie someone skinny, creating fat & skinny comedy teams like Laurel & Hardy, Farley & Spade, Jay & Silent Bob. You can't have two fats because instead of wacky hijinks they would just eat a series of progressively larger sandwiches throughout the movie. On a marriage related sitcom the fat man stands in the for the husband and a hot chick stands in for the skinny sidekick. One would think it's just the regular comedic fat formula, but one would be wrong. The fat guy/hot wife scenario was created for one purpose: the subjugation of woman.
There's nothing funny about the abuse of women through some of the world's fattest men. Great examples of fattitude include: Just the 10 of Us, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, According to Jim, King of Queens, Grounded for Life, Still Standing, and even animated shows like Simpsons and Family Guy are designed to keep women down through male obesity. These television shows all have fat men, all with women who would never date fat men let alone commit their lives to vacuuming under their stomachs. Coach from Just the 10 of Us needed an entire hot family to support is fat ass. Is this just male fantasy run amuck, or is there something deeper? Here's how the media fat cats are manipulating women: A single woman watches one of these shows and thinks, “Hmmm, if Stacey Carosi could only get Kevin James, and surely I'm not as good looking as Stacey Carosi, could I possibly do better than Kevin James?” Of course not, better settle for that mutant over there. Likewise if Courtney Thorne-Smith could only pull down John Belushi's less talented brother, could you ever hope to be with a more talent brother? Not at all, fat dude sitcoms tell us better to be with a loser than no one at all.
The consolation prize for that slob on the couch is, at least, he's funny. As if that's something women want. Women then don't actually like funny men, but are conditioned to settle for personality by the media. Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air has the added bonus of also being wealthy. Sufficient money and humor will get you a Leah Remini or a Jami Gertz, or whatever B List actress you want. And who's to benefit? Fat comedians, fat politicians, and your fat boyfriend, of course. Our entire entertainment industry is based on the concept of helping less attractive men get laid. That's why underdog's always get the girl in the end, to increase the potential of this actually happening in real life.
The conspiracy goes back to the early 1950's in a possible underground meeting between Colonel Sanders, Winston Churchill, Fats Domino, the ghost of Fatty Arbuckle, and a 3-year-old Jerry Mathers (as the Beaver). Remember women's suffrage was still fresh on the minds and the Women's revolution was well on the horizon, the government had no choice but to come up with a plan. The question was put forth: How can we both stunt women empowerment and get hot women to date us? The answer was The Honeymooners. Jackie Gleason is the alpha fat man to Audrey Meadows's omega hot chick. The Honeymooners was devised to keep women at bay through fear and intimidation, but in the funniest ways possible. Gleason was essentially asked to promote domestic abuse, but in a hee-hee sort of way. The lesson of every episode of the the Honeymooners: no matter how fat, dumb, and belligerent your man is, you better stick with him because there's absolutely no alternative.
And if she doesn't like your beer gut then it's bang, zoom, to the moon.
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