Robot Wedding and the Future of Cake

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May 18

Robot Wedding and the Future of Cake

I felt pretty good this weekend until Monday rolled around and I saw the headlines everywhere: Robot Conducts Wedding Ceremony. After just getting married myself (that's right ladies, the Gnards are off the table), I have to say I was not aware that a robot minister was an option. Or any robots in general. How many robots were at my wedding, you ask? Zero. Zero robots. I did the robot on the dance floor, but there were no actual robots (that I'm aware of).

As the countless news articles have told us: Tokyo, Japan, the “I-Fairy” married Satoko Inoue and Tomohiro Shibata. While on the other side of the world, Mr. Wolfie G. Nards and Ms. Dee Dee Supreme were married by a relatively normal hu-man. Winner: Japan. The same Japan that brought us this and these. There's not one aspect of nerdity that Japan does not dominate.

But what's this, ignore the man behind the curtain! Also stated in the articles, but largely ignored was this little tidbit, “Wires led out from beneath it to a black curtain a few feet away, where a man crouched and clicked commands into a computer.” In our race for ministerbots, we overlooked that it's not an actual robot. That's not a robot, that's what we call a puppet. If you say a robot performed the wedding I expect the robot to perform the wedding itself and file any relevant paper work itself. The only thing worse than being married by a human is being married by a human by proxy.

The I-Fairy sells for about 6.3 million yen ($68,000), which is a few million yen more than I have handy. For five figures, I expect a fully mechanized RO-BOT. Not a man flipping switches. If I wanted a fancy puppet, I'd get a puppet. Jeff Dunham probably costs what, three hundred... tops.

And while I didn't have any over priced puppets, I did have this...

That's a Futurama Planet Express delivery spaceship in cake form.

Complete with little Fry and little Leela.

Suck it Japan. And it was delicious.

17 comments

§ soft nonsense said on : 05/19/10 @ 07:34
Wolfie...you are likely the luckiest person in the entire world.

Oh, and congrats on the marriage thing.
§ Rosalind said on : 05/19/10 @ 08:36
Excellent cake! We had cell shaded Link and Zelda on our wedding cake, but it was just storebought with a picture on it. The robot, yeah, a bit crazy. Congratulations, btw!
§ J.M.S. Esq. said on : 05/19/10 @ 12:19
That is a hella passionless face-brushing this deliriously happy couple tries to pass off as a kiss at just before the one-minute mark.
(Robot Voice of God: "You may kiss the bride." Groom: "Can I maybe, like, just smell her breath a little bit?")
§ evden eve nakliyat said on : 05/20/10 @ 09:49
great and perfect desing
§ Aidan Cole said on : 05/20/10 @ 11:10
Hear that, America? Time to mobilize your shit against the Japanese, in the name of preserving humankind.
§ mobile crusher said on : 08/17/10 @ 20:21
Oh, and congrats on the marriage thing.
§ colon cleanse said on : 02/03/11 @ 17:26
Nerds these days. Next thing you know, they will marry cartoon girls instead of real ones. Oops oh wait, Japan already did that.
§ Wholesale Clothes said on : 02/06/11 @ 23:16
Oh wow, now that is like really funny! I just love the cake! Congrats!
§ electric toothbrush said on : 02/08/11 @ 07:51
Lol I want to eat some of that robot cake. That Futurama cake looks good though. Bender should be in there.
§ Mold Steel Plate said on : 03/01/11 @ 01:48
That is a hella passionless face-brushing this deliriously happy couple tries to pass off as a kiss at just before the one-minute mark.
§ implantation bleeding said on : 05/09/11 @ 16:15
is this true section.
§ Marty said on : 06/14/11 @ 10:51
Married by a robot??? How about married to a robot? Think about it. I'll bet that happens soon and probably in Japan. LOL
§ medical coding specialist said on : 06/24/11 @ 11:04
people are so funny....technology can't replace human feelings.
§ home loan Springfield said on : 11/14/11 @ 04:39
If you say a robot performed the wedding I expect the robot to perform the wedding itself and file any relevant paper work itself. The only thing worse than being married by a human is being married by a human by proxy.
§ https://www.sfonline.org/ said on : 12/23/11 @ 00:06
By the end of the film, Matt reforms himself much like his older brother did in American Wedding. However, he is still content on insulting his peers and still has an active sex drive but appears far less spiteful, arrogant and bullying.
§ DC Bank said on : 12/23/11 @ 00:09
By the end of the film, Matt reforms himself much like his older brother did in American Wedding. However, he is still content on insulting his peers and still has an active sex drive but appears far less spiteful, arrogant and bullying.
§ love tweets said on : 01/10/12 @ 05:10
The merger cake had a strong British floral theme, using elements of the Joseph lambeth technique.