Wolf Gnards

It's hard to put my finger on my obsession with Amy Sedaris. You first probably met Amy as Jerri Blank on Strangers with Candy, a forty-six year-old high school freshman—a boozer, a user, and a loser. Maybe, it wasn't love at first sight, but it was close. It probably wasn't until after I realized Jerri Blank wasn't Amy Sedaris' actual face, but a face she chose to make. Yes, she wanted to look like that.

It could be her crazy eyes. Most girls with crazy eyes are in the category of stalker, boil your bunny eyes, but Amy Sedaris has lovely crazy eyes. Like things are going to get weird, but in a good way, in a non-chopping up your limbs way, and that's a good thing. These are wonderful crazy eyes full of acceptance and wonder.

Maybe, it's something like if Sedaris has a fetish for the ugly, well, do I got the ugly for her. Although, I think it's something deeper than just looks. It's the feeling that not only would she accept all my idiosyncrasies, which are strange and arcane at best, but she would crave them. All strange men are looking for women who are not just willing enough to ignore the peculiarities, but to love them, and that's just fantasy. Amy is that possibility.

I think it's her dream of just being awful looking. Most beautiful women are very content being beautiful, but she wants to be hideous. That's something you really have to admire. An her odd is odder than my odd. So, not only is she better looking than me, but she's weirder than me, too. That's a little intimidating. Amy married an imaginary husband named Glenn (her previous imaginary boyfriend, Ricky, was murdered). I'm both jealous of both Glenn for marrying Amy and for Amy for thinking up Glenn.

Sedaris mostly stars now as MILF's and secretaries, Hollywood I guess just isn't ready for the real Amy Sedaris, whoever that is.

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