Why are vegetarians almost always constantly naked? Almost every PETA advertisement features some semi-nude celebrity in a highfalutin veggie related double entendre. Somewhere along the line their message went from savings animals to vegans are sex crazed. Or is it something about the act of eating vegetables that causes spontaneous nudity? Fruits need to be peeled, maybe, that goes for clothing, too. Or broccoli might be choked full of natural streaking enzymes? The argument though seems to have definitely shifted from an ethical appeal against animal cruelty to Live Nude Girls.

Examples:

It's strange that animal rights has virtually the same advertising campaign as beer. Drink this beer, you get this girl... and twins. It's the same thing for lettuce: sexy girls eat salad and if you'd like to be a sexy girl or pick up a sexy girl the place to do it is a salad bar. However, this goes beyond PETA ads, because it's not just a simple subliminal message. It happens in real life, too. Most PETA protests somehow inevitably involve women half naked wearing only cat ears trapped in cages. It's as if they're finding excuses to get naked.

Follow up:

Vegetarians are Slutty

Vegetarian girls are just naturally more slutty than the average girl. The average omnivorous female has slept with 9 men, however, the average vegetarian female has slept with 74 men, the average vegan female has slept with 13,005 men (these are true made up facts). Perhaps the same compassion for animals leads to passion in the bedroom. Does digesting meat slow down the sex drive? You know what they say, a cleaner colon is a friskier colon. Or maybe a low fat vegetarian diet goes better with the slut lifestyle, it's not that vegetarians necessarily are sluts, it's that sluts are vegetarians. Assuming that sluts are working on their fitness, a thinner meat-free body is more conducive to slut appeal.

Vegetarians are Exhibitionists

Related to their native sluttiness, the vegetarian must flaunt what their mommas gave them. They've taken a lot of time and effort to get into shape and dammit you're going to look at them. These aren't ads, these are cries for help. This is also why they make announcements like “I've been a lacto-ovo-vegetarian since 2001,” or “I”m on a macrobiotic kick—whole grains is the way to be,” or “I'm really into bird seed right now. It's all about the raw, baby.” This isn't chitchat or small talk, these are grand proclamations that no one ever asked to hear about.

Vegetarians are Drugged

Lack of protein has caused the vegetarian to become lightheaded and confused. “Where am I?” They ask. “Why are these clothes on me? I'm so hungry.” They don't know who they are or what state of undress they're in. Being a vegetarian works kind of like a roofie, but instead of slipping her a Rohypnol it's tofu. Is PETA taking advantage of these poor bewildered waifs? Maybe, but most likely it's the other way around.

Vegetarians are Shameless Self Promoters

Female celebrities want to promote their sex appeal, but men's magazines can often get skanky. What's a hot starlet to do? The general pubic is forgetting just how hot you are, but you also want to be taken serious for your many other talents, but hot... the people need to remember. PETA allows you to get naked for a cause. They're not getting nude for a cheap plug, they're getting naked for the greater good. The noble savage vegetarian. And animal rights is a cause that's not particularly political, as in saying you don't eat meat isn't the same sort of PR risk for a celebrity as taking a stance on abortion or any other hot button topic. So, an actress gets to get naked for a cause (and perhaps their career) and it's a cause that no one really cares about. Win, win. Nude, nude.<