The Giant Melons of Olivia Wilde and Summer Glau

I've talked a bit before about beautiful actresses who try to steal our hard-earned geek money. I've always thought there is something slightly disingenuous about actresses who make a good part of their living at comic cons: they don't want to be talked to by us or touched by us, but they certainly like our money good enough. At the end of the day, however, we fans know that we're being taken advantage of on some level and we're actually glad to be taken advantage of. So, why?

In all my investigations, something odd struck me about two geek temptresses in particular. Summer Glau and Olivia Wilde have both starred in heavily fanboy related projects: Cowboys & Aliens, Firefly, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, The Cape, and Tron: Legacy. And they both have insanely huge heads. Does this mean there is some kind of correlation between head size and geek appeal?

Big Brains

One possible reason we love those big headed girls could be because we associate big noggins with big brains. What's more we associate big brains with ourselves, so we associate them with us. But the truth is there could be anything going on inside those heads: Shakespearean quotes, Jeopardy! factoids, binary code, air, creamy nougat, peanut butter, bacon fat. Just about anything really. We assume that they're smart and, maybe, they are, or, maybe, their mammoth skulls are just casing very ordinary minds.

Gravitational Pull

We are attracted to them because we are literally attracted to them. The force of gravity generated by their heads compels us to them. We are pulled in by their big eyes (and big heads) and think that there's something there—an emotional bond—when really there's nothing but orbit.

Lollipops

Who doesn't love candy? Over 2 billion dollars worth of candy is sold in the US every year, that's about 22 pounds of candy per person. And what do humongous heads on teeny tiny bodies look like? Lollipops. So, who wouldn't love someone with the head shaped as one of your favorite foods? Personally I'm waiting for that special someone with a head shaped like a taco. Perhaps, these human Pez dispensers transport us back to a simpler time, a time in our childhoods when things were sweet. By resembling the candy of our youth, they tap into a powerful nostalgia. Is this why I want to lick Olivia Wilde's face? Maybe.

Chunk

Because they look vaguely like Chunk from The Goonies (Our second favorite Goonie... our favorite is here). Not that they look particularly like Jeff Cohen or like any fat child actors, but their heads have the actual overall shape of Chunk. When Summer Glau does the Truffle Shuffle it is something truly beautiful to watch. Does the Mark of the Fat Kid bring them down to our level? Can they understand what it's like to be a Goonie—a goon docks outcast—or are they just waiting for Troy to swing by with all his rich stuff?

Or maybe small bodies with large heads simply look good on film.

Or big heads are just awesome.

Blogger's note: I actually had a terrible time finding pictures of either Olivia Wilde or Summer Glau that didn't have the tops of their heads entirely cropped out or almost cropped out of frame. Whether this is evidence of Bigheaditis (aka Gigantism) or a coincidence that every single photographer or photo editor who ever worked with them cropped their heads the same exact way every single time is anybody's guess.