If you haven't heard of On the Premises, you're not the only one. It's a small, literary ezine, and what I thought was a pretty good shot of getting a story out there. Here's what their Writer's Guideline says: On The Premises aims to promote newer and/or relatively unknown writers who can write...

So, "newer and/or relatively unknown" that sounds a lot like me, "who can write," that's questionable, but could be me. But as you can see it was not me the magazine was talking about. They really managed to rub it with this form letter though. Let's look beyond the fact that the didn't even take the time cut and paste my name (Real magazines take the time to do this, but OTP can't take the time). The thing that really got me was listing "We received 232 entries." That's just kicking a man when he's down. They're telling me I couldn't noticed in a crowd of no one. 232 is nothing! If you can't get yourself noticed in that small a talent pool then you might as well just hang it up.

Then I remembered the crappy story I sent them - a tale of love and lunch ladies. "My Dorris, My Love, My Lunch Lady," not my finest work. Of course, that's why I sent it to On The Premise and not The New Yorker. In my arrogance, I figured they would love my table scraps. Also, the way this ezine works is they give you a premises and all the stories in that issue fit the premises, thus the name. This issue's premises was "One or more characters encounter something, someone, or some place for the first time, either by chance or design." The story is kind of about first love, but it's a little bit of stretch.

A bad story that doesn't fit the premises, but still the rejection smarts.