C2E2 Day 2: Behold the Cute Face!

To counteract the terror and awkwardness of Day 1's O-Face, I unleashed my cute face. This is my boy model face, and would work great if I was either A) a young boy or B) a model.

Weeping Angels
Even Weeping Angels shrink away at the might of my cute face!
Big Daddy
Drills cannot stop this face! (You can't see it but Big Daddy's drill was really spinning)
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C2E2 2013 Day 1: C2E2 vs My O-Face

Last year, I smirked my way through the Chicago Comics & Entertainment Expo, and this year I tried something different.

The Thing
Big Wolfie is very excited. Tiny Thing less so.

That's right I went with my O-Face! This is the same face I use when given gifts or blocks of cheese or blocks of cheese as gifts. This is the face I use when my singing group has a big audition and I have to take caffeine pills to practice. This is supposed to be my most excitable, most Muppet-like expression.

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What’s the Why with Dr. Who Cosplay

or Knee Socks are Cool

I love cosplay girls or, at least, I love the idea of cosplay girls. Who are they? Where do they come from? And, most important of all, why do they come from? As in why? Why do they do things that they do do (doo doo)? And in particular I love Whovian cosplay girls. I don’t understand them, but dammit I respect them. And, maybe, I wouldn’t say respect either, but I have good-humored bewilderment for them. It’s their unending ability to turn anything sexy, and it’s that ability that makes me believe there’s something primal about the Dr. Who girls. Dr. Who cosplay is an exercise in scifisexification (to turn things sexy which shall not be sexy).

Dr. Who certainly wasn’t the first example of this, it may not even be the best example, but it’s quintessential. The sharp increase in sexy female versions of the 11th Doctor alone is fascinating. But don’t take my word for it, enjoy:

Sexy Doctor

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Cyberspace Madness: Thumbs and Ammo and Jewel's Teeth

Thumbs and Ammo might be one of the best things I've seen on internet.

Suck it, Spielberg!

It's even better than my site: Celebrities with Jewel's Teeth

Bradley Cooper

Am I the only one to obsess over singer/songwriter, Jewel Kilcher's teeth? Her music was whatever but that tooth was transcendent, and ever since Jewel fixed her teeth the world has been completely bereft of glorious snaggle pusses. It's something that we just don't appreciate until we lose it, but the truth is not every celebrity can pull it off. Never forget: Jewel's tooth.

Elsewhiles on the Web

Krang Kosplay
Conan reenacts Goonies
Dragonball Z Snacks

Masters of Disguise and Otherwise

In most cartoons and TV shows, being a master of disguise is a somewhat misleading label. It should be a master of disguise except...? The exception can be anything; except something, except fill in the blank because every great disguise is really a terrible disguise in the making. Any disguise it seems has fatal flaw, and it’s most likely being looked at. Simple observation seems to be the Achilles’ heel of any skinwalker, changeling, shapeshifter, chameleon, counterfeiter, or sham artist.

Every master of disguise has a tell—some big, some small—but always enough for whichever hero, however dimwitted they may seem, to notice.

Zartan – G.I. Joe


Tell: Blue skin
Zartan is the classic master of disguise. He can disguise his voice and appearance as anyone he wants. These are perfect disguises that are indistinguishable from the original. Perfect in every way except (and here’s our first except) that Zartan's skin turns blue in the sunlight. He has a weird sort of photosensitive hereditary rosacea, but instead of hives or acne, you get a case of the blues (I’m calling it azuracea). Zartan's motto on his business card should read: I can masquerade as anyone on the planet as long as it’s not between the hours of 7 and 5.

In the G.I. Joe live-action movie, Zartan doesn’t turn blue, but whistles as his tell. So, in all the ridiculousness that is the G.I. Joe movie, the filmmakers drew the line at blue skin.

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A Review of Gnards 2012 so Very Long After 2013 Began

So, where has Wolf Gnards been, you ask? Just what has ol’ Wolfie been up to? It certainly hasn’t been writing articles. Well, I’ve watched every episode of Dr. Who, read through several D&D manuals, obsessed over Jeremy Lin stats (he’s like a taller, more athletic, more coordinator, smarter, more flattopped, more Asian version of me… which makes him almost entirely not like me), chugged through Game of Thrones (Favorite quote: These thrones have been gamed!), and dicked around YouTube. Namely the same as most of you, which is nothing much. But I’ve been doing a damn fine job of nothing.

I couldn’t even be roused to do my annual Groundhog Day post. So, here’s a picture of Bill Murray as a werewolf instead. Just because.

But before I go about making promises of regular updates (which I most likely will not be keeping… but keep clicking back everyday just in case!), let’s take a look at 2012 in our completely untimely 2012 year in review!

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