Wolf Gnards

More toy madness! I’ve talked about some sexy toys and some freaky toys, this seems like a little bit of both…

Though, I think under any Southern Belle’s dress is a tornado of power.

It only took 5 years, but the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique finally caught up to David Carradine. It was the Five Point Palm that took Carradine to Bangkok. The Five Point Palm stripped him down and tied him up. Maybe, he thought he couldn’t live up to the legend of Kill Bill. But I don’t want to focus on rumors of suicide or autoerotic asphyxiation. I want to remember David Carradine for who he was and, maybe, more importantly who he could have been.

When I saw Kill Bill, myself and everyone I knew said, “David Carradine is going to be a huge star now.” We all thought that it was as good as done, no doubts in our mind, Carradine was going to blow up. The role was practically made for him, and the guy should have, at least, been nominated for an Oscar or won some minor award. Everyone predicted that this would be the second coming of David Carradine, much the same Quentin Tarantino resurrected John Travolta’s career.

And yet there’s been little to say. Surely Carradine could have been in Face Off 2: Double Overtime, or played a weird fat angel. Where are his accolades and pet projects? Isn’t there an L. Ron Hubbard movie he could have made. Not only did he not take the acting world by storm, but he didn’t even do anything. No one even attempted to cast him in a good movie after Kill Bill.

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Speaking of Ru-Fi-Ooo, I now present you Thud Butt, the new King of the Lost Boys.

Why would anyone want to play with Thud Butt. Yes, he has real butt action, but does that make him fun to play with. Can I live out my fantasies with goddamn Thud Butt? When I was kid I played with He-Man, macho musclely He-Man. I was certainly no He-Man, but I could live through He-man. I had a thud butt, I didn’t need a figure to toy to remind me. I also would have been offended if my parents gave me this… what kind of message are they trying to send me?

PS… check out the name. I don’t remember anyone calling him Thud Butt in Hook, but I certainly don’t remember anyone calling him Garcon Perdu!? Who made that up and how did it get on the box?

PPS… It appears that the site with the Thudd Butt pic went under. How could a site with such a lovely Thud Butt possibly go under? But for all you Thuddy enthusiasts, I found an even better site for Thud Butt goodness. It even demonstrates how he rolls and his beaver penis (say what!!).

Or Great Moments in Asian Cinema

Most Asian actors are relegated to two things: nerd or martial artist. But there’s a lot more to being an Asian male than karate chops and calculus. So, whenever someone breaks that mold he always has a warm place in my memory. This, of course, brings us to the legendary Dante Basco better known to the public at large as Rufio. Which leads us to a favorite Generation Y past time: The Rufio Spotting.

What is a Rufio Spotting?

It’s when you see Rufio doing something non-Rufio related and pointing and asking, “Is that Rufio?” So, before we can go into the intricacies of a Rufio Spotting, perhaps it’s best to start with explaining who Rufio is.

Rufio, Rufio, Ru-Fi-O. The funny thing about Rufio is that while some of us can make a game of finding Rudfo, the majority of people have absolutely no idea who he is. To most of the universe he’s a nobody (Sorry, Dante, but it’s true), while for an entire generation there can be no bigger star. We’ll okay, I’m sure no one considers Dante Basco a major star, but to some of us he’s more than just a memory. An interesting phenomenon though to say the least, if you were born before 1978 or after 1990, you would have no clue who or what Rufio is, but if you were born and raised in that 1980’s sweet spot, Rufio is ingrained in your hearts. Ru-Fi-O. Dante Basco played Rufio in the movie Hook. A terrible movie. A terrible part. A terrible mohawk. Dante was perhaps the only good thing in that movie because for some reason Rufio lives on. There’s even a pop punk band named after Rufio from Hook. That’s when you know you’ve arrived. I’m waiting for the Wolf Gnards to become a squeaky clean boy band.

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Not long ago, Wolf Gnards announced a Boycott of Borders Bookstores because of their lack of comic book support. Well, Borders have heard our case and have given answers back. Micha Hershman, Borders Category Director – Fiction, Genre Fiction, Graphic Novels, sent a response to Wolf Gnards answering some of the issues I pointed out.

For the sake of posterity I present Micha’s letter:

Hi J. Douglas,

My name is Micha Hershman and I am the Graphic Novels category director for Borders. I just read your blog post titled “Boycott of Borders Bookstore.” While I understand your passion for Graphic Novels and Comics, the information that you are passing along to others is inaccurate. I want to set the record straight.

We are not removing the Graphic Novel category from our stores, period. We’re fans, too, and we want every customer to have the same great experience browsing the shelves that we want for ourselves. In fact, we are giving more attention than ever to the category, including a new in-store presentation of our graphic novels selection that will be rolling out in the coming weeks. I don’t know which of our locations you visited last weekend, but our stores are preparing to change the way they display graphic novels, and that store could have been preparing to make the transition with new displays and signage, so things could have been in a bit of a jumble.

Second, we have not stopped selling comic books. We continue to offer a selection of comics in the vast majority of our Borders locations – and we have found that the selection we offer is by and large commensurate with customer demand.

Borders did have a buy-one-and-get-a-second-graphic-novel-for-half-price sale this past January. However, we held this sale not to “burn through inventory” as you suggest, but rather to showcase our great selection of titles, offer a good deal in a tough economy and give customers the opportunity to enrich their collections.

Borders is a long standing leader in the Graphic Novel category – ask any publisher. We offer a selection of titles that exceeds what other national retailers and many independents carry. Our Merchandising team members are world-class professionals and fans who spend every minute of their workday being geeked about the category and looking for new ways to serve the needs of our customers.

I hope that you will publicly recall your suggestion to boycott Borders.

Sincerely,

Micha Hershman

Category Director – Fiction, Genre Fiction, Graphic Novels

My Reaction:

Very cool. This right here demonstrates the power of the blog. I have a new found respect for Borders. They actually heard my voice and deemed it something to respond to. However, the fact that they responded speaks volumes. Non-issues do not need to be addressed, issues do.

I think there was some nice spin here, but until I see an actual return of graphic novels, I have to remain skeptical. It was not a matter of a section being in disarray, but no section at all. If you are simply changing displays, why remove the entire section entirely before the change? Why paint over signage that says “Graphic Novels?” Seems like a waist of paint to me.

Cute throwing in the economy though. As if at a board meeting someone said, “These are tough economic times for geeks, we should really do something for them.” Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. We know how sales work. There’s overstock and stores need to unload that overstock. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s not a humanitarian move. And it’s pretty natural to assume they’re “burning through stock” if they don’t restock with new material.

Don’t listen to me though, I’m just an angry nerd. Make up your own mind and look at the Borders near you. If they’ve removed graphic novels and there appears to be no return then perhaps it’s time to take up the protest. However, if Borders is filled to the brim with comic books, then buy, buy, buy.

I already talked about some of the action figures I need to have, but I might have a few more to add to the list. I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around this Sue Richards statue from the Fantastic Four. I know Jessica Alba played Sue Storm in the movie, but damn! No figurine should be that curvy.

This Sue Richards was made by Japanese artist Rockin’ Jellybean. Rockin’ Jellybean has become known on the Los Angeles Lowbrow art scene for his luchador masks and outrageous proportions. It’s kind of that fine line though, is he making a statement about American culture and even with Marvel’s consent a statement about the big guns, bit tits culture of comic books, or is he just feeding the fan boy fire? I’m not sure, but I like it.

Of course, you also have to see Sue backing that thing up.

Let’s not forget that Japan is the same country that brought us the wonders of Transformers Kiss Players. Giant mechanized robots that are powered by the kisses of cute teenage girls. I like manga and all, but sometimes I think Japanese men don’t know the difference between the time to geek and the time to masturbate. I like to keep them separate, but to each their own.

Oh, and speaking of inappropriate Japanese masturbation, these little babies make it easier than ever. I’m not sure sleep was what people had in mind when they invented these pillows. MuneKyun Dakimakura, roughly translated to Chest-Tight Hugging Pillow, feature sexy anime girls on curvy pillows.

Yes, these pillows are three dimensional. Squeeze, poke, or hug, hug, hug your way to happiness. Strange, but surprisingly brilliant.

PS… this is exactly what the conference room in my office looks like.