Wolf Gnards

How exactly does a movie like Air Buds in Space get made? The film industry is just a fascinating process to me. Like if full length feature films were exclusively made by creepy dudes in basements, I could totally see how Air Buds in Space can get made. I mean besides masturbating, what else does he have to do? If you can’t think of anything better to do than bating, I’m sure taking your time to write and direct an Air Buds movies sounds like a fantastic idea.

But that’s not how movies are made, movies are made in conference room, by grown men and women with college educations. Most likely wearing suits. With ties!? And Air Buds in Space is the best they can do! Someone not only had to have the wolf gnards—the shear audacity—to pitch Air Buds in Space, but someone else had to greenlight it as well. Someone had to hear that idea and say, “Why not? Why not throw these dogs into space.”

How do we get to the point where we’re shooting innocent sport loving puppies into space? The problem is Air Bud has mastered every sport there is: basketball, football, baseball, soccer, tennis, bowling, cricket, jai alai, midget tossing. So, at the big Hollywood meeting where the big boss man asks, “What will Bud master today?” and a lesser boss man meekly answers, “outer space,” it sounds like a fresh approach. Because “outer space” is neither a sport nor a logical answer to his question. Instead of just a regular bad idea, this sounds like an executive is thinking outside the box. The lesser boss man could have easily have said that Air Bud should be a lady judge on TV then, of course, they would have mad Air Bud in Court which could have been just as enjoyable.

Air Bud started with a simple dog that could hit an occasional basic on David Letterman, why are we sending this dog into space. Where are spending millions of tax payers dollars to see a dog sink a basket in outer space. What scenario would have to unravel for NASA to send Lassie or Patrick Ewing or a combination of Lassie and Patrick Ewing into space. Why must we go there, but more importantly if an Air Bud can go to space, surely Chunky Butts can also get a green light.

Your friendly neighborhood blogger,
J. Douglas Musashi

P.S. Dee Dee thought I photoshopped Spuds MacKenzie in the picture, sadly Spuds is for real and for some reason is joining those puppies on their wacky space voyage (ably voiced by Diedrich Bader). David Bowie also joins the Space Buddies on their magic journey.

Tina Fey (our first lovely nerd girl) just said gnards on 30 Rock.

Tina Fey: It’s Valentine’s Day… Gnards!

Then in the comfort of my own home:

Me: Tina Fey just said “Gnards!” Yeah, yeah, I’m rolling in it. (Because in my world, when celebrities say Gnards people immediately Google it, and not only that they spell Gnards correctly, which I come up for, instead of the much more common spelling of Nards which I do not come up for at all)

Dee Dee Supreme: I think she said, “Nords.”

Me: F- You!

Dee Dee Supreme: Whah, whah, go blog about it.

Just wanted to check and make sure someone else noticed Rufio during Heroes. Yes, that Rufio. Ru-Fi-Oooooooooooooo. Where has this guy been? And why hasn’t he aged in 20 years? Feel free to check out IMDB and say Rufio’s been doing this or Rufio’s been doing that. Doing voice over work for bad Disney cartoons isn’t exactly doing anything. I mean this is Rufio… idol to millions (thousands? tens? me?) popping up on Heroes, but not even being on Heroes, but doing a commercial for Heroes, and not even doing a commercial for Heroes but a commercial for TurboTax and Heroes.

I hate to say it but Rufio really did turn out to be a lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude. Ru-Fi-Oooooooooooo. Okay, I think I got that out of my system. I should have been nicknamed Rufio.

Your very un-Rufio blogger,
J. Douglas Musashi

P.S. No one says “Bangarang” to me nearly enough.

Mario & Luigi’s last name has finally been revealed: Mario & Luigi Blagojevich. A new video game pits Rod Blagojevich against against the dreaded King Koopa and the Illinois senate. The game, Pay2Play, is an iPhone app and puts you in the hair of Governor Blagojevich in his final days in office. The goal of the game is to sell senate seats and cushy jobs before you get thrown out of office. Pay2Play was created by Juan Rubio’s for the iPhone, based on the drug-dealer strategy game DopeWars. The application is still pending approval by iPhone.

DopeWars is a fun little game, so I imagine Pay2Play will be much of the same. DopeWars though isn’t exactly Grand Theft Auto in terms of badass fun, and doesn’t really have much in the way of replay value. Once you have experienced the various paths the game offers there really isn’t much too it. One potential problem with the game is I’m not quite sure an iPhone has the computing power to harness the awesomeness of Rod Blagojevich’s pompadour.

Unil Blagojevich’s Pay2Play hits the application store (if it ever does) you can always amuse yourself with a little Super Obama World.

New episodes of Heroes and I almost missed it, some nerd I turned out to be. I guess NBC has been running promos for weeks and I was totally oblivious. It was kind of a slow episode, but I think that’s always to be expected with a new story line. Still enjoyed it, but I’m really developing two problems with Heroes. The first one being the obvious, could they rip X-men off more!? Time to call in the Sentinels and ship Peter Petrelli off to Genosha. Tim Kring and Jeph Loeb have been practically scratching the Chris Claremont’s name off of X-men comics and putting their own in its place. The rumor is that Tim Kring actually fired Loeb to try to foster a return to character driven scripts. Personally, I don’t mind that they rip off X-men, I would just like them to give credit where credit is due.

The second problem I have is the depowering of Hiro. Is white America that scared of a powerful Asian man that they can’t let Hiro have some power? He’s a already a geek… he was already turned into five-year-old… did we have to take his powers away, too? The message is pretty clear that NBC executives view Asian males as less than men. I love Hiro. I love that he’s a nerd, but give the guy some freaking powers. Give him his balls back, at least. Speaking of which they couldn’t let that little cutie Daphne fall for Hiro, they had to pair her with Parkman? But, of course, that would mean admitting that Asian men of testicles.

And to Masi Oka, don’t become Jar Jar Binks. I know it’s a sweet gig, but there’s no reason to be a Stepin Fetchit. If you have a problem with your character then speak up, we got your back.

I decided to start off the Nerd Girls We Love section with the undisputed Queen of the Honor Society. Tina Fey is that rare breed of social awkwardness and sex appeal. Hot? Check. Geek? Check. Not really raw brain calculus kind of geek, but the D & D kind of geek. That’s rare. “By the Hammer of Thor,” kind of nerd. That’s someone I could get cozy with. And, of course, the fact that x number of years of being a social leper has kept her from realizing just how hot she is… makes her even hotter.

And perhaps the most disturbing thing I like about Tina Fey is her scar story. A man saw a pretty little Tina Fey running around and decided to do a little carving. It’s like he saw something beautiful and had to destroy it. A sad and yet kind of romantic story… mostly sad and horrible though. All in all though, it made her the nerd we love.

Lover of Fine Ass Nerds Everywhere,
J. Douglas Musashi