Wolf Gnards

Is it just me or is The Fantastic Mr. Fox and Star Fox’s Fox McCloud the same person? Identical cousins, at least.

Mr. Fox is from new Wes Anderson movie based on the book by Roald Dahl. Fox McCloud is from the Star Fox game series that (along with Golden Eye) made the N64 worth buying. If you look there’s a very similar foxiness to these foxes. However, perhaps there’s a bit of a limitation as to how anthropomorphic foxes can be depicted. But the Fantastic Mr. Fox in the film does look quite different from the original Donald Chaffin illustrations or later Quentin Blake illustrations. Taking on a decidedly more McCloudian air.

Both Mr. Fox and Fox McCloud also both run with a motley crew of assorted animals.

Mr. Fox’s Gang

Star Fox Crew

I was talking to some friends about all the terrible shows that Fox had tried to package with X-Files (because this is how my crew rolls). Of course, there’s the spin offs like Millennium and the Lone Gunmen, but what I’ve always thought were more interesting were the sandwich shows, bad programs sandwiched between two good programs. Friday nights when X-Files originally aired, Fox tried a one two punch with X-Files and whichever show people were willing to watch besides X-Files (which turned out to be none).

X-Files was paired with such gems as M.A.N.T.I.S. and Strange Luck. A lot of you will probably say Strange Luck was a pretty decent show, and a lot of you will be wrong. This is the Jedi mind trick of network programming. Take an interesting premise (extremely good luck in this case), place it close proximity to X-Files wonderment, and fondness for D.B. Sweeney. It takes more than a little Doug Dorsey window dressing to make a hit show. That only lasts two or three episodes at best. If you don’t remember M.A.N.T.I.S. then lucky you: a handicapped superhero, what were they thinking?

When I looked at Fox’s programming schedule for the last twenty years though, something far more interesting emerges. They had a hit with X-Files then moved it to Sunday night, and on Friday nights Fox aired a new scifi/drama, and when that failed, Fox aired a nother new scifi/drama and so on and so on. It was a steady stream of one hour science fiction heavy dramas, and it was more than just hoping lightning would strike twice. It’s as if they had a study that said, “Nerds watch shows on Friday nights.” Here’s their logic, Nerds don’t have friends, so they watch TV on Friday nights. Nerds are ugly, so they cannot get dates, so they watch TV on Friday nights.

But it didn’t work. Fox went through a slew of programming, some of it like Wonderfalls were critical darlings, most of them were not. The one thing they all had in common though were insanely low ratings. After M.A.N.T.I.S. and Strange Luck came Sliders, Millennium, The Visitor, Harsh Realm, FreakyLinks, Dark Angel, Firefly, John Doe, Wonderfalls, Sarah Connor Chronicles, and Dollhouse.

On thing this shows is nerds do socialize. Chat rooms, Star Trek Conventions, Wolf Gnards, World of Warcrarft, LARP, Cosplay, what have you. We’re good. We’re taken care of. Nerds have nerd friends. Nerds date nerds. We have shit to do on a Friday night.

Though, if you want to bring back X-Files… I’ll watch.

There’s not enough RPG’s that take place in a post apocalyptic New York, where Charles Barkley must fight evil robots with Chaos Dunks. I mean there’s a lot of games like that, but not nearly enough.

Here’s one of the better ones…

Charles Barkley makes any game better. Super Barkley Bros. Metal Gear Barkley. Grand Theft Barkley. I first saw this game on Wikipedia, and I thought someone was having a joke fudging wiki. Joke’s on me because the Barkley is REAL!

And the Chaos Dunk…

Kanye West’s latest award show faux pas has really got me thinking on the nature of genius. South Park hit the nail on the head (or the bag on the douche as the case may be) with their depiction of West. Kanye is 100% enthralled with himself, and has bought into his own hype, and sincerely believes he’s a genius. I wonder what else South Park was right about, could he, in fact, be gay fish… very likely.

But besides his high opinion of himself, it’s as if being a so-called genius is supposed to make up for any wrong behavior. For instance, Stephen Hawking is a very well documented bastard. Do his theories on black holes entitle him to making fun of lesser theoretical physicists or rolling over their feet on his wheel chair? Alpha dog behavior does indeed spill into the nerd world. Being the smartest or most talented today is the same as being the biggest or strongest in days of yore. And being the scariest nerd out there means never having to say “I’m Sorry.”

What is Genius?

What is the nature of genius? Can a rapper be a genius? Certainly. A genius is more than just your intelligence quotient. A genius is when a high level of intelligence is paired with an equally high work output (Figure A). To put it simply, expectations are high and those expectations are met. Kanye West would want to be compared to Stevie Wonder or other undisputed musical geniuses, but is that really a fair comparison? Has he lived up to his hype?

Figure A

The Idiot Savant and the Myth of the Flash of Genius

So, how can a man who is a “a proud non-reader of books” be a genius? Part of the problem is the political correct assumption of genius… that a genius can come from anywhere. Truthfully, genius can come from any walk of life, but by accepting this we now have the ever tricky duty of separating authentic genius from the plaything. Kanye would most likely fall under the idiot savant category. This being low intelligence coupled with high work output (Figure B ). Meaning not too bright, but expectations are far exceeded. Somehow like Shaggy or Gilligan, he stumbles into getting the job done. This would make Kanye West more or less the musical equivalent to outsider art (retards who paint), or to put it in music terms, the equal to such greatness as Sisqó.

Figure B

Most people are mistaken with the concept of genius: that lights and flashes must be going off in Einstein’s head. The fact is genius is cold and logical, it’s a Vulcan world out there. The facts are simply and slowly picked apart and reconstituted into a more pleasant configuration. Now the flash of genius is something everyone has experienced and this is why there’s so much confusion. Since, this is all we know of high level creative thought, we assume this is what genius 24/7 must be like. A flash however is more random than something that’s controlled. It’s nothing more the erratic firing of neurons on par with the average epileptic seizure. Brilliance can certainly be found there, but it’s mostly just gibberish.

A blown fuse is the only thing that can explain Kanye West. A series of unfortunate short circuits lead Kanye on stage, lead him to the mic, lead him to yet another outburst. Is it more likely that there was any calm, rational thought, or a lighting bolt and bunch of flipped switches (Figure C)?

But here’s the rub, here’s where things get sticky. Who needs more pampering, a reasonable highly functional genius, or an idiot savant with minor brain damage?

Figure C

And, hey, there’s nothing wrong with being an idiot savant… I could be one myself.

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Portman vs Fox: a clash of the geek girl Titans. Besides being hot, these two actresses don’t share too much in common. However, they seem to have struck a common chord with nerds of all shapes and sizes. The one thing they do share is career choices. It’s a fairly simple formula for picking projects.
A ) Take comic book/ scifi epic/classic 80’s TV show B ) Load it with special effects and Michael Bay explosions C ) Show bare midriff D ) Promote at Comic-Con E ) Wash, rinse, repeat. It’s kind of surprising neither of them is in the V remake actually. However, it’s even money one or both will star in ALF: The Motion Picture. Check out their geek cred:

Natalie Portman Credentials

Mars Attacks!
Star Wars Episodes I through III
V for Vendetta
Thor (coming soon)

Megan Fox Credentials

Transformers
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Jennifer’s Body
Jonah Hex (coming soon)
Fathom (rumors)
Tomb Raider (rumors)

On the surface, they appear almost indistinguishable. Pretty little bobbles next to millions of dollars of CGI. Similar skill sets, too: speaking to invisible objects for one, inability to convincingly cry. And they both have gotten to the top on the shoulders of very large nerds. And yet the difference is pretty clear. Portman is an actual geek (Harvard grad) and Fox uses geeks. And the worse thing is, we know. We are aware it’s a trick and yet we’re eager to lend Megan our mighty geek buying power.

Don’t get my wrong, I harbor no fantasies that Ms. Portman would find me in anyway attractive. And while she might not be a fangirl… there is a nerd buried deep down in that cute little bod. I do get the impression that she would recognize me as a human being, a biped at the very least. Maybe, she’d even talk to me, recognize my scintillating wit, and submit to an old fashion make out session before coming to her senses. While, Megan Fox would most likely say, “What’s this squinty, pasty beast following me around? Some sort of retarded panda mutant.” And I’d have to try to explain how I’m the same species as her, and not a panda at all. And then she tasers me.

It’s almost like a geek cover up, a geekspiracy. By putting Fox in these nerd heavy projects, we’re suppose to miss that all she can do is breath and be pretty. Being insanely attractive can only get you so far, sooner or later the world will notice your toe thumbs. But I like to think of it like this: Megan Fox and Natalie Portman are like Cosplay girls at ComicCon. On one hand, you have the girls who are paid to be there, and they are deliciously skanky to be sure, however, nothing is as hot as a geek girl who genuinely wants to be there.

Actress Flow Chart

If you’re a struggling actress with lots of looks and little in the way of talent, here’s a flow chart that can help you figure out your career.

It’s time to hang up those picket signs… the Comic Book Boycott of Borders is no more. If you don’t know the story, it goes something like this: I went to Borders one fine Saturday afternoon to find their entire stock of comic books gone. I went hysterical and called Borders Nazis, then called for an immediate boycott of all Borders stores. Most my friends called me an idiot. Borders called me an idiot. As it turned out, I’m definitely closer to an idiot than Borders is to Nazis.

I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. The comic book section was restored… and slightly bigger than it was before. I’m still hearing stories that not all Borders bookstores have the graphic novel sections back and that manga has been greatly reduced from a lot of locations. But either way, the books are back and I was wrong. Or was I? One way to look at it is, yes, I’m a nut job, but the more convenient way to look at is I’m a hero. A saint might be too strong a word, a Übermensch perhaps. We’re calling the boycott off because–guess what–we won. I made demands. Borders caved in. That’s how boycotts work. And, yes, it could very well have always been their plan, but there’s always a chance that my sheer awesomeness forced the issue.

But now that comics and graphic novels have returned to Borders, feel free to buy your comics at your local Mom & Pop comic store anyway. A lot of people just didn’t care about graphic novels being removed from a big mega chain because they want to support local business… and that’s a good thing, but they’re missing the much larger point. Hardcore fans will find comic books no matter what, but the comic industry needs larger mainstream support… this is why Marvel is throwing hourly tea parties over being bought by Disney. Without mainstream support the comic industry will collapse, closing down local specialty shops in the process. No Borders = No Comics, No Comics = No Comic Book Shops, No Comic Book Shops = Comic Book Guy Still Sitting on his Couch Eating Gummy Worms, but Much Lonelier than Ever Before. G’arr D’aK!

Also, the boycott ended just as I got a Borders gift card for my birthday. Coincidence? Or just another sign of my awesomosity?