Wolf Gnards

The second year of the Gnards has come to a close, and as always I like to look back on my year of underachievements. No home run articles, no slam dunks, but the blog is bigger than it was in '09 and it keeps on growing. My mom has still never heard of Wolf Gnards, but several people have, maybe, even you.

In picking out the most popular articles of 2010, I stuck to articles I actually wrote in 2010. So, no Bill Murray. No bangs. No Tauntauns. These couple of articles make up about a quarter of my overall traffic, but to be a top Gnardicle™ of 2010, the Gnardicle™ really needs to have been written in 2010.

Honorable Mentions

These are a few of my personal favorites, but they just didn't make the cut.
My Feud with Star Trek's Robert Picardo
How the Virus Worked in ID4
My Favorite Non-Porn Porn mustaches

My Most Popular Articles of 2010

These aren't necessarily the best or my favorites, but the Gnardicles most viewed by you, the Gfans (Fans of Wolf Gnards).

10. The Girls of Scott Pilgrim
9. The Sexiest Aliens - More pictures of girls (even alien girls) = more traffic for me. I think you'll see a pattern emerge.
8. The Physics of the Crane Kick
7. The Truth about Fat Men and Hot Wives in Sitcoms - One of my most hated articles. I liked that so many people think a fat man must have wronged me at some point. That my wife ran away with a traveling fat salesman (not a salesman who is fat, but salesman who sells fat door-to-door). Can't a guy just have fat conspiracy theories without it getting personal?
6. The Ways a T-Rex can get in Building
5. Amy Sedaris Looking Cute - She's not even my favorite Sedaris. My favorite Sedaris, you ask? Probably not who you think: it's Rooster Sedaris!
4. Annie Little - An obscure cute girl from some random commercial has gotten the site more traffic than most of my original content. Yay!
3. Hawaiian Shirts in Film - This one kind of surprised me because I hardly see any buzz about this article. I think that picture of Tom Selleck's tight ass pants is what's getting most the attention. Perhaps I'll write a sister article, “The Tightest Pants in Film.”
2. The Irony of Ironic - Far and away my most hated article of the year, and possibly of all time! And the second most popular... people love to hate. So thank you, I couldn't have done it without the support of haters everywhere. I also liked that it was so persistently pointed out in the comment section that I used the phrase “Beg the question” incorrectly (and it's true, I did, and I still do all the time... which begs the question: what's wrong with me?), yet they failed to point out any of the many actual holes in my theory.

And the number one article on Wolf Gnards in 2010 is... drum roll please...

1. Random Pictures of Danielle Fischel - I love Topanga and, apparently, you still love Topanga, too. There's nothing wrong with that. It's better to love Topanga than to hate Wolf Gnards.

So, what does this all mean? I think it's obvious, I need to concentrate much, much less on writing witty, original content, and concentrate more on posting pictures of pretty girls. Perhaps, I could start some sort of collective or magazine, a magazine that could compile pictures of all these girls in one place with their “turn ons” and “turn offs” conveniently on hand. Some sort of fold out might be nice, something well done and classy like MAD Magazine. And I can wear a smoking jacket all the time, day or night, and I can provide a place for my B list friends to pick up various STD's in some sort of hot tub or “grotto.”

Or I could keep over-analyzing bad 80's movies for little to no acclaim. I'll probably stick with the movies, smoking jackets are drafty and I don't even smoke.