It’s funny that Marvel has taken an anti-mutant stance after years of X-men comics about equal rights. Of course, it’s not a political statement but more about saving a few bucks. It’s about some odd regulation that makes it cheaper to ship non-human action figures than it is to ship human action figures, and by arguing that Professor X, Magneto, Wolverine, and etc. are not human, Marvel saves some dough. And according to all the Ghost Rider hub bub, they need it! However, all these government regulations defining what is and what is not human got me thinking about the Sentinels.

The Sentinels are giant government sponsored robots designed for hunting down and incapacitating mutants. This is all well and good until a minor logic flaw makes the Sentinel robots realize that they hunt mutants, mutant are human, and therefor they hunt humans. Which I have no problem with because that is always what is bound to happen when you construct giant robots. Prime directives are just meant to be broken. When you construct colossal machines of doom expect that at some point they will turn against their evil creators, it’s a given. It happens time and time again, at some point your shiny new cybernetic law enforcement agent will throw employees (or recently fired employees) from windows. My problem is that our government is involved with this, meaning someone had to pass regulations to create giant robots. Not that the government isn’t stupid enough to make giant robots—I’m sure they have some giant robot factories someplace right now as I speak—but that they would pass legislation without tacking on any riders to the giant robot bill. Like why not have the Sentinels do something else when not waging a race war. Why limit it to mutant genocide?

Why spend billions of dollars on mechanical bounty hunters with no other practical functions? Giant robots have literally hundreds of uses if not dozens. I can’t imagine a single aspect of our everyday lives that wouldn’t benefit from three story tall robotic overseers. For instance, they could rescue small children trapped in wells. Just reach in a giant arm and pluck those suckers right out. Of course, the eventual programing glitch might go something like this: Sentinels rescue children, children are soft and squishy, if children were less soft and less squishy they wouldn’t need rescuing, Sentinels are hard and metal, replace children with Sentinels.

Still Sentinels just seem totally underutilized to me. They only things they seem to do consistently are rip the roofs off of houses to play peak-a-boo and have their heads torn off, surprisingly easily on both accounts. Here are some other everyday uses for Sentinels:

Construction

Sentinel robots could slap together new building like Legos. Think of all the hard working blue-collar folks they could put out work. A good, well-paying job isn’t the American dream; it’s getting a robot to do it for you.

Glitch: Sentinels build shelters for man, shelters keep man warm, Sentinels warm man with laser cannons in palm

Follow up:

Fighting Forest Fires

If you’re going to plop down a few billion dollars on semi-sentient machinery, why not use it to save lives?

Glitch: Sentinels put out fires, fires are hot, the sun is hot, Sentinels destroy sun

Military

It seems to me the military would have dibs on a 50 ft. tall robot with laser cannons, not some GOP hate group. They’re good to go; all the army would have to do is paint them green. Although, purple is fine color for war zone, too.

Glitch: Sentinels keep peace, if there’s peace there’s no need for sentinels, Sentinels create war

Note: I realize that’s Megatron and that for some reason Cobra Commander has painted him purple and green, but that’s as close to a camouflaged Sentinel as I could get.

Destroy Arctic Rebel Bases

If rebels are hiding out in a frozen wasteland, what better thing to send on the ice than a machine that walks?

Glitch: Sentinels blast ice fortress, ice fortress melts, Sentinels melt ice, Sentinels melt polar ice caps

Playing against the Harlem Globetrotters

Say you want to take over an island and the only thing stopping you is game of basketball with the world famous Harlem Globetrotters. Well, it’s a good thing you invested in those huge robots, isn’t it?

Glitch: Sentinels beat Globetrotters, Skipper beats Gilligan with cap, Sentinels rips off Skippers head and beat Gilligan with it

Entertainment

Who knows what lurks in the hearts of Sentinels? Maybe, it’s dance. They could do one hell of a giant robot on America’s Best Dance Crew.

Glitch: Sentinels stomp feet to get applause, Sentinels do not stomp feet get no applause, Sentinels stomp on audience to get stop applause

Putting the Stars on Top of Christmas trees

Glitch: Sentinel puts star on top of Christmas tree, Sentinel puts star on top of tree because humans are too short, humans should be taller, Sentinels stretch humans out by their limbs to make taller

I mean (and I’m saying this as someone with a complete lack of adamantium skeleton, so I may be biased) I totally understand building government issued robots to handle the mutant threat. I mean there is understanding and harmony and flowers and love and all that hippie nonsense, but there are also people that shoot lasers out of their eyes and I’m not one of them, so yeah, build a robot to fight for me. But why stop at mutants? Almost everyone is more powerful than humans in Marvel comics. Aliens, Demons, Gamma irradiated supermen. And how does a Sentinel tell the difference between a mutant or an Inhuman or a victim of an everyday lab accident? Does the Sentinel need a blood sample? Isn’t it just safer to shoot everyone? But I guess that’s where the problem rises.