Bang, Zoom! Domestic Violence or Space Travel?

One man, one fist, one sassy wife, and one moon: these are all the ingredients you need to fuel the space race. It started simply; Ralph Kramden wanted to punch his wife so hard that she would literally fly to the moon. Now, maybe, he didn’t wish her ill will, he could have thought she would survive such a journey. Remember that this was in the 1950’s, a time when people still thought the moon was made out of cheese, the Earth was flat, and the sun was some chariot of fire. You can’t blame Ralph for having a limited knowledge of space travel. He didn’t want to murder her; they just needed a little break and in space no one can hear you nag.

The Honeymooners represented a different time on so many levels. This was a time when it was okay to rough up your wife a bit, at the most it was frowned upon, and to be fair, Ralph never actually hit Alice, he just talked about it… constantly. In the 50’s, not only was it okay to threaten to beat your wife a bit, it was expected. Also, space travel, as I alluded, was a thing of pure science fiction. So, this really was an empty threat at best. This has totally changed with recent advancements in technology. What with Richard Branson’s achievements in personal space flight and Chris Brown’s transgressions in hitting women, anything is possible.

But what does it mean to punch your wife into outer space?

At the very least it takes a Superman caliber punch to knock someone into orbit. A punch with around 4.5 million lbs. of thrust behind it… give or take a million pounds. A punch powerful enough to launch a person into space should technically be enough to get it to the moon… eventually. It’s all about breaking the Earth’s gravitational pull, once you do that, you should be able to just glide the rest of the way.

But how powerful would Ralph Kramden need to be to properly bang zoom his wife into space? Let’s compare:

Ms. Marvel Punched Rogue into Orbit

Pertinent Power Facts
Ms. Marvel: Carol Danvers caught her super powers from contact with an alien she was dating much like a venereal disease (only with more flying).
Ralph Kramden: While not the same as an alien gonorrhea, Ralph once got his physical mixed up a sick dog’s. Wackiness ensued, but little in the way of super strength.

It should be noted that Ms. Marvel and Rogue had a history (Rogue put her in a coma), so she was strong and pissed. Anger issues are definitely something Ralph can relate to.

Follow up:

Onslaught Knocked Juggernaut Across the Continent

Onslaught hit Juggernaut from the east coast to west coast of the United States. That’s around 2800 miles. While the moon is 240000 miles away, the Earth’s atmosphere extends out around 800 miles, and breaking orbit is achieved only 220 miles above earth.

Pertinent Power Facts
Onslaught: A psionic entity created by the souls of Professor X and Magneto (I imagine listening to Lionel Richie or The Righteous Brothers is involved).
Ralph Kramden: While not psychic, Ralph once tried to get the Great Fatchamara to hypnotize Alice into giving him money. It didn’t work out for him.

Superman vs. Lobo

This happened after Superman died in the 90’s and came back all pumped up and more powerful than ever (also more mulleted than ever). He was still figuring out his new super strength when he clocked Lobo into the cosmos.

Pertinent Power Facts
Superman: Strange visitor from another planet.
Ralph Kramden: Once dressed up as a man from mars in an outfit made of furniture and kitchen utensils. I’ve never seen the actual episode, but I have a more than passing familiarity with Back to the Future. I’m told it’s a classic.

Spider-man Punches Hulk into Space

Spider-man has the proportionate speed and strength of a spider, but that’s really not that strong in the “more powerful than a locomotive” superhero sense. His strongest spider punch was aided and abetted by powers cosmic.

Pertinent Power Facts

Spider-Man: Bitten by a radioactive spider then given Captain Universe’s powers just because (what are the odds?). I’m willing to believe a super powered spider bite, but cosmic power, too? That’s like winning the lottery twice.
Ralph Kramden: Won several contests, lotteries, and raffles (almost weekly), all ended badly.

Every Old Pervert in Anime

Characters being punched or kicked into the horizon happens on a daily basis in anime. However, it usually occurs after an old pervert sneaks a peak at panties or after unsuccessfully trying to steal a Pokémon.

Pertinent Power Facts

Anime Characters: Pervert + Panties = Super Strength. Strength is often proportional to how much underwear was shone and/or how embarrassing the pattern/color of the underwear may be.
Ralph Kramden: No one has ever tried to see Ralph Kramden in his underwear.

However, the above examples all feature beings of super strength punching indestructible beings into space. Even if Ralph has the strength, nothing has led me to believe Alice could withstand the punch. The power of the punch would most likely disintegrate Alice. There’s no way her body (or kisser) would remain intact up to the stratosphere let alone through the stratosphere and beyond. A punch that hard would probably behead someone before it sent him or her to the moon. Although, saying, “One of these days… bang, zoom! I’m going to decapitate you,” is a lot more menacing, and couldn’t as easily be mistaken for Ralph and Alice’s sexual foreplay.

The punch and the resulting decapitation though may be the least of the problem. The bigger problem is hitting the moon. With the Earth revolving around the sun and moon revolving around the Earth, it’s not exactly a straight shot. I’m willing to believe Kramden is strong enough to punch Alice to the moon, but I have a tough time believing a city bus driver is capable of making the necessary calculations to land his wife on the moon with a single blow.

If he doesn’t want to send Alice on a scenic trip to the moon, what does he want? So, let’s take this on a symbolic level and really break down what Ralph is trying to say. I like to think that he means something else. One thing of note is that Ralph is depicted as the cheerful man in the moon in the opening sequence of the Honeymooners. In that regard when he says that he wants to send Alice to the moon, it could be taken that he wants Alice to be with him on the moon. When he’s saying that he wants to hit his wife, what he’s really saying is “I want to run off together to a world made of cheese.” And what could be more beautiful than a world made out of cheese?

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