Your Natalie Portman Fix

I've talked about her gangster rap and our nerd obsession with Portman, but I thought I'd drop off a couple more goodies for those of us truly obsessed.

Natalie Likes Her Porridge

Is there anything sexier than a girl with her porridge...

That's some major sultriness she brought to Sesame Street. Perhaps Natalie was promoting Closer. And okay... I'm just going to say it, "Dip those nuts in that porridge, Natalie, dip them good!"

Zach Galifianakis Interviews Natalie Portman and Whiz

This is why I'm not allowed to interview Natalie Portman because it would end much like this. If anyone has her number, feel free to throw it my way, I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

Top 5 Cartoon Theme Songs

Here are my top 5 cartoon intros and/or theme songs. My only criteria was it had to be a cartoon from my childhood. So, shows like Cowboy Bebop, Futurama, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and Foster's Home for Imaginary Creatures were all out of the running. All great theme songs, but all were irrelevant to the shaping of my impressionable young mind. The cut off was puberty, if I was already growing awkward facial hair then it's those cartoon lyrics had little to do in why I'm such a nerd. Also, shows like Jem, She-Ra, and the Smurfs were out because I was far too macho a child to watch them. I did the research and these are the cartoon shows I came up with. I've found that all great cartoon intros of the 80's have a few things in common: A hero role call that showcased powers and hobbies, stutter hook (i.e. Ch-ch-chi-Chip 'N Dale), and some sort of really great synthesizer action, possibly a Moog.

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Dom DeLuise Passes Away

Nerds everywhere mourn the passing of Dom DeLuise. Deluise, 75, died May 4, 2009 after a long fight with cancer. What made him a great nerd was his spectacular rise to fame. Here was man, overweight, strangely bearded, slightly effeminate, and a major ham, yet we all love him for it. He gave hope to the unpopular, and helped create a nerd genre: the goofy sidekick. All a nerd needs to be accepted is the approval of one cool kid, in DeLuise's case: a one Mr. Burt Reynolds Jr.

And to a certain generation that is a little too young for Cannonball Run, Dom DeLuise's other great achievement was his seed. If you were born between 1975 and 1985, you're bound to be familiar with a DeLuise. His progeny have infiltrated every aspect of popular culture. Spotting a DeLuise is like finding Waldo: 21 Jump Street, Gilmore Girls, Encino Man, they're everywhere. You can recognize a Mini-DeLuise by their unmistakable Douche-appeal.

A sad day for nerds. A sad day for fat kids. A sad day for lovable douches.

Oh... and I know this is Chris Farley, but I hope this makes Dom DeLuise's Oscar montage.

World of World of Warcraft

'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

The Onion really likes to rip on gamers :( First Close Range now World of World of War Craft. I mean, yes, I would totally play it, but does that make me a hot pocket eating loser?

I have a sneaking suspicion that answer is yes.

Your Hot Pocket Eating Gamer,
J. Douglas Musashi

Happy Star Wars Day!

Break out those Chewie Cakes because it's another beautiful Star Wars Day. They say on Star Wars Day Eve the Ghost of Obiwan Kenobi brings lightsabers and candies to all the good little younglings. And if the moon is full and stars are aligned that if you listen real hard you can hear Darth Vader weeping like a gaybot over the loss of that sweet, sweet Natalie Portman. Mmmmmm... Portman.

And Remember, May the 4th be with you.

Heroes: The Short Comings of Hiro

Masi Oka

I've talked at length before about the humiliation of Hiro on NBC's Heroes. But I feel like it just hasn't sunk in just how much a travesty it really is. Hiro has become an Asian Stepin Fetchit, the Japanese Rochester. He could have been a real Hero but he could just be dragging us down with him. Someone was telling me how Hiro was on a downward slide since season 2. This was the season where he's trapped in the past and can't be with the woman he loves. But I think this is when Hiro was at his best. He was honorable, goofy but honorable. A fine lady was attracted to him, which is always a good thing. And while he still couldn't control his powers 100%, he was coming into his own. And yes he got played by Adam Monroe/Takezo Kensei, but Adam was a worthy adversary, so there's nothing wrong with that. And it's not that he just lost girls (Charlie, Yaeko, Daphne - because she was Hiro's before Matt Parkman stepped in), and it was more than his loss of power, it was the combined total and his overwhelming loss of dignity.

For Heroes to continue, Hiro, Peter, and Sylar all needed to be depowered in some way or another. Each were becoming so powerful that there wouldn't much of any prolonged storylines. It's same way that Superman can't be featured in every issue of Justice League because he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants, and he always saves the day in a split second. So, the most powerful Heroes needed to be taken down a peg. The show simply just stopped emphasizing most of Sylar's abilities, however, Peter and Hiro had there actual powers altered. It kind of had to be, but let's look at what the network decided to do. Peter and Hiro both had their super powers striped by Arthur Petrelli. Peter was completely depowered for one episode. Hiro was depowered for 9 episodes. It reminds me of that scene from Quiz Show when Herb Stempel claims that “when a Jew is on the show, he always loses to a Gentile, and then the Gentile wins more money.” The clean cut white boy can only be powerless for one episode, while the persecution of the Asian most go on for 9 episodes.

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