Wolf Gnards

There’s something about Indie Girls that can drive a geek like me crazy. They represent a very special breed of hipster chick. They’re outwardly more friendly and less materialistic than a Trixie. Like Geek Girls, Indie Girls are smart, fun, and knowledgeable of pop culture, however, they’re also much more put together… as in A ) they’re cute, B ) they know they’re cute, and C ) they’re purposefully trying to be cute. While Geek Girls can certainly be A, it’s B and C that often allude them.

To demonstrate the overall appeal of Indie Cuties, our model for discussion will be no other than Ms. Zooey Deschanel: singer, actress, and all around wide-eye stunner.

Bangs

Bangs are an integral part of the Indie Girl. While, Jenny Lewis may be the Queen of Bangs, Zooey represents bangs in fluid motion. No one has more control over their bangs than Zooey Deschanel.

What’s behind those bangs we ask? A massive brain perchance, a brain that could understand our quirks and idiosyncrasies? Zooey’s bangs are on a 1:1 face to bang ratio, this is the maximum size bangs can be before they enter New Jersey/Texas territory. Any larger and she’s no longer smart and witty, but some sort of trashy.

Eyes

Zooey’s eyes are often described as her best feature. They say “the eyes are the gateway to the soul,” and like her bangs, her big wide eyes make us believe that something wonderful is going on behind them. An Indie Girl without large doe eyes is hardly an Indie Girl at all, just a squinty nerd with marginally fashionable style.

The color is important, too. Zooey’s is an almost unnatural shade of blue. These are eyes that say, “I understand what it’s like to be different.” They also might say, “I could be an alien.”

While, dating an Indie Girl is awesome. Dating an Indie Girl Alien is even better. What Nerd hasn’t had that Green Babe Star Trek fantasy?

Smile

Zooey Deschanel is also the master of the Indie Girl smile. It’s a smile that borders on a surprised gasp. It’s shock combined with almost a knowing wink and displays her sense of wonderment. What does she see to make her smile so? Did someone just make a hilarious Dr. Who reference? Or a cunning observation on the two Coreys? Zooey’s is a much practiced smile, maybe, too practiced but still lovely.

Legs

An proper Indie Girl needs not have great legs, but great leggings are a must. Leggings draw attention to legs, while simultaneously covering up any imperfections, the results? Perfection. Without knowing what said legs actually look like all we can do is dream of the wonders that lay underneath.

The Stance

The Indie Girl stance is also critical. Most Indie Girls are on the skinny side with flailing legs and arms, something akin to Olive Oyl. Zooey likes to take a wide stance in her pyramid-like power stance.

However, if we map Zooey’s signature stance we find something interesting going on…

Zooey’s power stance is clearly a rough facsimile of Kurt Vonnegut’s eyes, nose, and mustache. What better why to reach any well educated geek than to invoke their literary idols in her very movement?

Conculsion

These Indie features help make Zooey Deschanel stand out from the rest. Take her sister, Emily Deschanel for example. Emily is a fine looking woman with very similar features as Zooey, yet not nearly as cute. Don’t get me wrong, when Emily dressed up as Wonder Woman, it had all the tell tale effects on my libido, but she’s still world’s apart from her sister.

If you look closely, you’ll find Emily’s lack of bangs reveals a mega forehead. And her lack of the Indie smile makes me believe she won’t put up with any of nonsense (and I have much nonsense to offer). However, Zooey is more than just a random gathering of bits and pieces. Replicating her style and DNA is just not enough… sorry, Katy Perry. Likewise, it takes more than just instructions and bangs to be an Indie Girl. It’s a state of being and that’s what you got to love about them the most.

However, sad to say for most of us Geeks, Indie Girls like Zooey seem to have their eyes set only for Indie Douches with acoustic guitars.