Wolf Gnards

This debate started when my co-worker popped his head over my cubicle and said, “Guess what? The Harry Potter chick’s 19! Pound it!” And, of course, I bumped fists (no fist will ever go unbumped under my watch), but I felt very dirty afterwards. But here’s the dilemma (beyond the obvious creepy perviness), Emma Watson got too good looking to play Hermione Granger, the cuteness of which threatens to unravel the world of Harry Potter. The problem is Emma has grown considerably better looking than her fellow cast members, and particularly her love interest Ron Weasley. To quote the great poet, Joe Jackson, “Is she really going out with him?”

This only became a problem because of a lack of foresight. One: when they made the original movie, no one knew that she would be Ron’s love interest, or that romance would ever really became an element of the Potter universe. These were just little kids, so they cast little kids who fit the part. Fine. Problem two: No one suspected the both the fan base and J.K. Rowling would demand that these original kids finish the series. Producers probably thought they would replace the kids every few years. So, the films were stuck with the fact that Emma Watson was becoming a Hermione Granger that was clearly out of Ron Weasley’s league.

Why this tears the universe apart is because in a real high school scenario, Hermione would pick the best looking guy in her social circle, that being Harry Potter. If she picked Harry, then Ron becomes a social outcast, drowning his sorrows in witch’s brew and black magic. Eventually, becoming the pasty red headed Voldemort to Harry and Hermione’s future child, Harrmio. And history repeats itself. Let’s say for the sake of argument though that she, in fact, has a ginger fetish. She stays the course and stays with Ron. In the real life scenario, Potter spends every waking moment thinking about Hermione. Writing her love letters,hanging out around her locker. He can’t eat, he can’t sleep, he can’t study magic. Sub par magical training means Harry will make some crucial mistake some place. Voldemort wins, rules the world, kills Ron Weasley, and takes Hermione as his child bride. And, of course, the much more likely scenario of all is she ditches both Ron and Harry for a college wizard.

The point is there is no way that Harry and Ron can stay friends if someone so good looking is between them. At some point, some one’s feelings are going to get hurt and in the wizardry world angsty teens become old super villains.

On second thought, what girl could ever say “No” to Ron Weasley?