Wolf Gnards

I’m finally answering the one question everyone has been asking: Does a wolfman have nards [sic]? WolfGnards.com, of course, refers to this scene in Monster Squad…

The Wolfman’s gnards, and the kicking of said gnards, allowed the boys to escape Dracula and his evil cronies in Monster Squad, and without those grand lupine gnards, Horace and Sean would have certainly met their doom. However, the interesting question of a werewolf’s vestigial gnarditude arose. Little of werewolf lure is related to mating rituals, so the testicles are a relatively undefined region. As to the debate on whether or not silver shoes are required to effect said wolf gnards, I’ll leave that for another debate.

Do Wolves have Gnards?

The fact that wolfmen have gnards is a given. Men have gnards. Male wolves have gnards. Therefore, a human/wolf hybrid would certainly have testicles and all the organs necessary for reproduction. However, what are wolf testicles like? Are they closer to the body like a cat’s. A Cat-Man might not even notice a good kick in crotch. Just look at the ThunderCats and their smooth genitals, running around on Thundera without a care in the world.

Wolf Genital Chart

A wolf’s testicles would be clearly present and accessible with a swift kick. A male werewolf would most likely be just as vulnerable.

Werewolf Puberty Rate

The only thing that could impact the testicular fortitude of a werewolf is puberty. Has his wolf gnards fully descend? Human’s don’t descend until puberty, age 10-14. A wolf’s testicles, like most dogs, descend in the first year… most in the first 10 – 60 days. Where this leaves a werewolf is a little murkier. After the first bite, and an adult human first changes into a werewolf, are they the equivalent of a cub or a full grown wolf? And if he is in basic cub form, how long does it take to mature? And does the werewolf keep maturing during human phases? These could mean it could take up to 10 transformation for werewolf testicles to drop.

So, yes, Wolfmen do have gnards, but to ensure the presence of werewolf gnards, the wolfman would have to have, at least, one transformation under his belt.