The Legend of John Hughes
I have two words for you: Weird… Science. How much of my childhood did I spend trying to make my very own woman? More than I’d care to admit. Much more time than a reasonable person (young and stupid as they may be) should spend building a woman. I’m older, perhaps, wiser, but I’ve never given up dreaming. Much to the dismay of teen movie fans everywhere, 1980’s film maker John Hughes has passed away. John Hughes was not only responsible for every great movie in the 80’s, but some of the greatest nerd moments in cinema.
Hughes’ great film nerds include: Farmer Ted, Long Duk Dong, Brian Johnson (The Brain), Gary & Wyatt, Duckie Dale, Cameron Frye, and Keith Nelson (The whinny Eric Stoltz character from Some Kind of Wonderful). Three of these characters, of course, were played by Anthony Michael the Hall, but it was always Hughes at the heart. There seems to be a bit of a theme of misfit guys pining after unattainable dream girls. I have a feeling had John Hughes gotten more play at little Glenbrook North High School, there’d be a lot less classic movies.
All of his pent up sexual frustration slowly churned and turned into nerd rage and teen angst. Teen angst, of course, being the corner stone of any moderately successful teen comedy. Angst as we know is measured in cubic centimeters and is a measure of anxiety over fear in correlation to puberty. It’s what we do with teen angst that’s important. Do you let it fester into a killing spree, or do you channel it into something beautiful.
Average Teen Angst Level
The average human has a teenage angst level of 8180 cubic centimeters or roughly 15% angst production.
This sort of teenage angst is mainly forgettable. A couple of bad dates, a failed test, never getting off the bench. We get over these teenage dramas, and after long enough we forget they were ever dramas to begin with.
John Hughes Angst Level
Hughes, however, has a 43600 angst rating!
Those are angst readings reserved for only the true teenage misery. This kind of angst cannot be let go of, this is when your dream girl/soul mate leaves you for the preppy rich kid. Is it a coincidence he died of heart failure? A little too much love to handle. J.D. Salinger may have the only angst index higher.
It’s been awhile since there’s been a truly great John Hughes film (You can argue Home Alone, but I’m going to go with Planes, Trains and Automobiles). And though his legend lives on, one question remains, one that shall now go to the grave: Is Ferris really Cameron?
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Oh, and up until just now, I thought it was John Waters that had died, which was confusing. I didn’t realize that the shit eating scene from Pink Flamingos had made such a significant impact on the teens of America.