Wolf Gnards

What nerd didn’t want his very own Lisa? We all tried something to varying degrees of success. Not to the extent of robbing graves, but asking sisters and a little high stalking was never out of the question. But to build a girl that will tell us exactly what we were doing wrong… that’s the dream. Is it the thrill playing god like making a Frankenstein (only cuter). Or is just having the mysteries of women explained? If you’re still after a computerized companion, I thought I’d help you out a little. In honor of John Hughes and Weird Science, I present you with a little DIY Artificial Intelligence.

I don’t care what you do with your female sim. Ask her questions. Put her in real-life sexual situations and see how she reacts. Take a shower with her. Or just watch her gymnast routine. I won’t judge.

Female Simulation Coding

class Lisa : Dream_woman{
breasts.lisa=playboy.jpg
//Scan photos from prized Playboy collection
breastsize=setbreasts
Setbreasts(biggerthanhandful=false));
// Anything bigger than a handful is risking a sprained tongue
_lipps.lisa=big.jpg
_attire.lisa=aerobics
//Match with Barbie Doll attire
iq.lisa=Einstein.jpg
//Any photo of Einstein is sufficient for replicating IQ
//Good for playing chess
sass.lisa=davidleeroth.mpg
//Clip of Dave TV
speak.lisa=”What would you little maniacs like to do first?”
if(science=weird)
then
magic_powers.lisa=true;
};

I do find it interesting that our idea female has the brain and attitude of men. It really does say something about human behavior.

An important note—do NOT forget to hook up the doll. Bra head gear and chanting is entirely optional.