Wolf Gnards

Top Chef is back, and then means one thing and one thing only: Padma. Forget the food. Forget the Quick Fire Challenges. Forget the chefs. It’s all about Padma: introducing, eating, and wearing evening dresses in the middle of the afternoon. With Top Chef in Las Vegas this year, expect plenty of showgirls looking sexy but I think the best girls were already there.

1.Padma Lakshmi

What I like most about Padma is that she was married to Salman Rushdie. This immediately says two things about her: she digs smart guys and looks don’t matter. These bode very well for me. Her arm scar works well for us normies as well. Padma received her scar after a grizzly car wreck, and it gave all us nerds an in. Like Tina Fey’s scar, it takes a perfect looking model and brings her down to a Salman Rushdie level of self esteem. Plus, her name’s Padma and the sounds a lot like Padme, and that ain’t not too bad.

2.Kelly Choi

The fact that Bravo hired Kelly Choi to host Top Chef Masters leads me to believe that there’s a study out there that states “Foodies love Asians.” When she first walked out, all I could say was, “That’s not Padma.” It’s tough not being Padma.

3. Gail Simmons

Some of you my argue, but to me Gail is by far the most attractive woman on Top Chef. She’s not super model tall and skinny, but she’s almost painfully cute. Stuffed animal cute. Unicorn sexy, if you well. Plus, she’s the only one of the three with real food street cred. Brought up in the mean streets of Le Cirque, she’s the only one who’s actually qualified to be on a food show.

Top Chef Bonus

A little something for the ladies – Tom Colicchio.

Personally, I don’t see it, but women found Yul Brynner sexy, too. I have a number of female friends that want to pour oil on Tom’s head and rub it all over their bodies. Bon Appetit.