Wolf Gnards

Like all boys, I kept a hidden stash of robot specs, ninja scrolls, and jet pack plans underneath my bed. Playboys, of course, came later, but before that there was just glorious robots. An innocent time of robot wars. My particular favorite were mechanized wonders made mostly of used garbage cans and house hold junk (flashlights work for eyes, right?). Of course, the were a couple of killing machines. Robot ninjas on jet packs, anyone?

I don’t know what it is about robots in movies, there’s just something about them that seems so plausible, and not only plausible but plausible for me to build if I had unlimited time and resources. But after all these years, I’ve yet to stitch together a single diode or even a mechanical arm. But here is a few my favorite film robots. While, I cannot build a robot, I can still appreciate a good movie robot when I see one.

Movie Robot Honorable Mentions: The Iron Giant, Optimus Prime (if the Transformer movies weren’t so terrible, maybe, he’d make the list), Lt. Commander Data (really more of a TV robot, who just happens to be in films), WALL-E (a nice little imitation of the #5 robot), the lame butler robot from Rocky, Chip from Not Quite Human, D.A.R.Y.L. (A robot boy that’s good at baseball and Atari Pole Position – what government wouldn’t want an army of these?), C.H.O.M.P.S. (best dog robot ever).

Follow up:

8. Robby the Robot

Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet is the classic movie robot, more so than Gort, Astro Boy, or Metropolis’s Maria. One of the few robots to make cameo appearances in other films, Robby has been in over 30 programs (both for the big and small screen). He’s the grandfather of men in goofy metal suits.

7. Revenge of the Nerds Robot

The Revenge of the Nerds robot is a top achievement in film robotics because he represents the nerd fantasy. Is it believable for a 17-year-old to build an android with artificial intelligence. Of course not. Does it become more believable when that 17-year-old is simply labeled nerd? It must. Gilbert’s robot maid is the prelude to such teen nerd robots as Screech’s Kevin and the Erkelbot. If a robot is possibly who knows what else: winning a talent contest, panty raids, intercourse? The sky’s the limit.

6. Ed-209 from Robocop

For some reason, Robocop is listed on many a top movie robot lists. Robocop is NOT a robot! Robocop is a cyborg, a meld of man and machine. Just adding the prefix Robo- does not a robot make. ED-209, however, is a fully functional robot. He’s just circuit boards, machine guns, and giant metal feet. And he’s my favorite kind of robot, a robot with a huge and obvious design flaw. Why would a law enforcement robot need to chase criminals up or down stairs anyway?

5. Johnny Five

No robot has had its way with a catch phrase quite like Johnny Five. A little like D.A.R.Y.L., Johnny is a robot that the government is inexplicably obsessed with making a weapon out of. And like ED-209, Johnny does not do stairs. He does have a laser, but couldn’t you just give the laser to a regular solder? In Short Circut 2, Johnny hang glides, is gold plated, and made an American citizen. Johnny Five was created by the ever nerdy Steve Guttenberg… making him sort of a smorgasbord of nerd robotics.

4. R2-D2

R2-D2 has made garbage can shaped robots seem like a good idea since the 70’s. Notice that C3-PO didn’t make the list. While R2-D2 has no arms and only beeps, he still makes himself far more useful than his mechanical life partner. They added a jet pack for prequels, and while that’s a bit of retroactive hocus pocus, the kid in me does enjoy a good jet pack.

3. Terminator

Skeleton killing robot from the future. Enough said.

2. Fembot

I’m actually not a big fan of the Fembots from Austin Powers, but the Fembots are the pinnacle of nerd science. A robot you can have sex with. Trust me, we will have robots in bed way before robots in space. I can’t wait until pimps with degrees from MIT hit the street.

1.Keanu Reeves

There has never been an acting unit more versatile than Keanu Reeves. How many other robots could portray a surfing FBI football player? Or a fast driving explosives expert? Or a white baseball coach who teaches inner city kids to believe in themselves, while leaning to believe in himself as well? Perhaps his greatest robot role was in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. Keanubot played an actor pretending to be a robot who was a replica of the human that was played by the robot disguised as an actor, who was himself a robot (I think my brain just melted).

The Three Laws of Keanu Reeves

Fortunately, there are rules in place to protect us from full Keanu annihilation.

1. A Keanu Reeves may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A Keanu Reeves must obey any orders given to the Keanu Reeves by human beings, except where such orders to a Keanu Reeves would conflict with the First Law.
3. A Keanu Reeves must protect its own Keanu Reeves existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.