Wolf Gnards

Portman vs Fox: a clash of the geek girl Titans. Besides being hot, these two actresses don’t share too much in common. However, they seem to have struck a common chord with nerds of all shapes and sizes. The one thing they do share is career choices. It’s a fairly simple formula for picking projects.
A ) Take comic book/ scifi epic/classic 80’s TV show B ) Load it with special effects and Michael Bay explosions C ) Show bare midriff D ) Promote at Comic-Con E ) Wash, rinse, repeat. It’s kind of surprising neither of them is in the V remake actually. However, it’s even money one or both will star in ALF: The Motion Picture. Check out their geek cred:

Natalie Portman Credentials

Mars Attacks!
Star Wars Episodes I through III
V for Vendetta
Thor (coming soon)

Megan Fox Credentials

Transformers
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Jennifer’s Body
Jonah Hex (coming soon)
Fathom (rumors)
Tomb Raider (rumors)

On the surface, they appear almost indistinguishable. Pretty little bobbles next to millions of dollars of CGI. Similar skill sets, too: speaking to invisible objects for one, inability to convincingly cry. And they both have gotten to the top on the shoulders of very large nerds. And yet the difference is pretty clear. Portman is an actual geek (Harvard grad) and Fox uses geeks. And the worse thing is, we know. We are aware it’s a trick and yet we’re eager to lend Megan our mighty geek buying power.

Don’t get my wrong, I harbor no fantasies that Ms. Portman would find me in anyway attractive. And while she might not be a fangirl… there is a nerd buried deep down in that cute little bod. I do get the impression that she would recognize me as a human being, a biped at the very least. Maybe, she’d even talk to me, recognize my scintillating wit, and submit to an old fashion make out session before coming to her senses. While, Megan Fox would most likely say, “What’s this squinty, pasty beast following me around? Some sort of retarded panda mutant.” And I’d have to try to explain how I’m the same species as her, and not a panda at all. And then she tasers me.

It’s almost like a geek cover up, a geekspiracy. By putting Fox in these nerd heavy projects, we’re suppose to miss that all she can do is breath and be pretty. Being insanely attractive can only get you so far, sooner or later the world will notice your toe thumbs. But I like to think of it like this: Megan Fox and Natalie Portman are like Cosplay girls at ComicCon. On one hand, you have the girls who are paid to be there, and they are deliciously skanky to be sure, however, nothing is as hot as a geek girl who genuinely wants to be there.

Actress Flow Chart

If you’re a struggling actress with lots of looks and little in the way of talent, here’s a flow chart that can help you figure out your career.