Wolf Gnards

Jeff Goldblum does stuff, the sooner we learn this the better. He’s the best, he’s the brightest, and let’s not forget: Jeff Goldblum is not dead. And most important, Jeff Goldblum is the answer to every mystery. Aliens? Goldblum. Big Foot? Goldblum. Loch Ness Monster? They’ve all been Goldblummed.

Other webbiness:

Universal Pictures covers Natalie Portman up with a digital bikini bottom. That’s like a crime against humanity. When I go to a movie, I’ve paid good money to see Natalie Portman’s bare or semi-bare butt. I wouldn’t see movies like Phantom Menace, Black Swan, or The King’s Speech if there wasn’t the off chance I’d see Portman’s bottom (Side note: I found The King’s Speech very disappointing for it’s total lack of Portman butt or Portman at all).

Superhero fashion show. Come on, hipsters, don’t take comic books away from me, too. I’ve been wearing the same Batman t-shirt since 1989, don’t make it fashionable now.

$2 million script for sale on eBay. I can undercut this guy, you can have any of my half finished projects for a mere $1.9 million dollars. Just know that I don’t do coherent plots, female characters, or check spelling (but if you’re a regular reader of Wolf Gnards, you already knew about spleling).